


yes, it's completely platonic

by yellows27th



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, exes to friends?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25487356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellows27th/pseuds/yellows27th
Summary: Dahyun often finds herself working overtime. Her good friend Nayeon comes in and tries to set Dahyun up for a one night stand as a gift. It doesn't go too well for Dahyun.(Or Sana and Dahyun are exes and the world is small so they meet again and tries to become friends, with benefits if Sana is lucky.)
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 16
Kudos: 125





	1. she's busy, apparently

**Author's Note:**

> I write, edit and revise past the time I should be asleep so... please don't come at me if you find any errors <3 Also, this idea/plot is kind of whack so let's just see where this goes.

Kim Dahyun has finally sealed the deal. After all the caffeinated nights she’s poured and blended for months, the exhausting printing errors and finding free fonts for her presentation, sometimes even running into malware sites because of stupid ads, she has finally closed an investment from a neighboring company. It’s been a solid two months of pure grinding, research and revisions to get each detail down to tailor fit the board’s preference.

 _Gosh,_ Dahyun can finally breathe and stop stirring the coffee every lunch and past four o’ clock.

She emerges from the door, the biggest smile she could muster up, and everyone is looking at her expectantly. Dahyun raises a golden thumbs up to her coworkers. She's done it and they all yelp and howl in ceremony. Some even ran and tackled Dahyun into a wrinkling hug.

“You’re finally free!” exaggerates Nayeon, bumping hips with Dahyun before she gets her turn to hug her friend. Nayeon bares her infamous two-pieced bunny teeth at her, pearly whites and just as shiny as her bank paycheck some time this month. 

But free is not the word Dahyun would use, won’t even dare say it, but it sounds consoling enough for her not to think about the next big project that her boss had not so subtly hinted at her a week ago. Kim Dahyun is a busy person with a habit of stirring coffee only for it to grow stale and cold.

Nayeon follows Dahyun behind as she surges through waves of compliments from their colleagues. Even Nayeon feels like she’s the one who got a contract signed.

“You really waited for the meeting to finish? I thought you have a document to type.”

They both enter the elevator. The button for the ninth floor remains unlit. Dahyun has to prepare herself for the quick whiplash of Im Nayeon.

“Nah, feel like sitting around your workstation. I can always finish the file later.”

“Sometimes I want to be you just because I can’t stop myself from working but then I remember how you have booty calls from your girlfriend every other hour.” Dahyun teases, laughing as the elevator dings and opens to her floor.

“ _Please._ I don’t do booty calls. Mine’s called girlfriend duties.”

Dahyun rolls her eyes mockingly. “Yeah, right Miss _Myoui._.”

Nayeon lightly shoves her by the shoulder, wrinkling her pristine top. Not that Dahyun minds but she notices.

“Do tell me you’re getting a break after this.”

Dahyun spares her friend a solemn look. She could at least give her a tight smile. But Nayeon doesn’t let her off that easily. Despite her own principle of always upholding the morals of professionalism, Nayeon believes that Dahyun earns more than just a raise and a couple of hugs and applause. If she isn’t mistaken - at least the last time she's heard from Dahyun - it’s also been months, no actually she’s already counting a whole year and a half now that Dahyun last got laid (Nayeon is not entirely sure). Courtesy of her ex-girlfriend, whoever that person is.

Nayeon makes herself comfortable on top of Dahyun’s desk, arms crossed in front of her chest as she peers down at her friend. Dahyun is soulless. Her being naturally pale as ivory is understandable but Dahyun’s whole demeanor outside the conference and meeting room screams hollow. Inside that room, Dahyun is as formal, quick witted, literally tattooing on her forehead that if they have an employee of the month it’d be Dahyun no explanation needed. Yes, she is committed to her job and is wonderful at it but if Nayeon were to meddle with that she’d probably tell Dahyun that it’s not worth it if she ends up lifeless; like this.

“Funny how you look like you’ve been sucked dry when it’s been - wait, how long have you been single again?”

“Ha ha you’re so funny. Get back in the elevator Miss Im.”

Dahyun sneers at her, tells her that it’s none of her business if her sex life is anywhere dormant or not. It’s not like she has that much time to spare when work is always around the corner, always waiting for Dahyun to take the turn.

“You need to loosen up, Dahyun. Geez, you’re only 23 but you’ve got your whole life dedicated to this - this boring ass job? Why not have some fun and get some tonight? Won’t hurt your schedule.”

“You say that like you don’t have the same job as mine,” counters Dahyun.

“We’re in different departments so yeah, we don’t have the same job. Not exactly.”

Dahyun rolls her chair back out from her desk and spins to Nayeon’s direction. “Look, I get your point but hear me out, alright? If I do go out there what are the chances of me not wasting my time and actually getting a hook up? I could’ve sorted and read over some files using that time.”

“You’re so lame,” Nayeon rolls her eyes. She could just straight up tell her that she might be considering this rather than going around the point. “Let me get this straight; you don’t like to waste your time, you want things to go your way, no bullshit and those other stuff.”

“Sounds like me.”

“So if I get you a sure one night stand tonight, you’ll go?”

A mistimed blink and Nayeon can already see that this _might_ go somewhere.

Dahyun breathes, “Time is gold, unnie.”

It's a simple yes or no question yet Nayeon lights up and Dahyun is sure that she should get herself ready for another Nayeon scheme. Nayeon nods, face contorting together as if she’s won. Just the vague answer that she’s hoping for.

“Great! I know someone that sounds just like what you want!”

/

Actually, Nayeon doesn’t know anyone. Her social connections range from college friends to Mina and then her colleagues. So in her best hopes, she approaches the ever sociable Momo instead.

“Hey you think you know anyone that needs a hook up tonight?” Nayeon asks an hour before they time out from the office. 

Momo turns in her office chair. “You’re horny?”

To which Nayeon slaps Momo at her shoulder and says, “If I was, I wouldn’t be here talking with you but getting my way with Mina. It’s kind of a gift for Dahyun, get her laid and get that horrifying dip between her brows from all the work she’s been doing. She deserves it, you know.”

“Makes sense,” Momo curtly nods. “I’ll try to get in contact with someone within the hour.”

/

Nayeon doesn’t know that she’s gotten Dahyun into trouble - the trouble that involves a not so good throwback to the past. The trust she puts in Momo, really, she shouldn’t have gone and talked to her in the first place, not that she knows.Their connections are too broad that when Momo picks a contact interesting enough in her list, the world is suddenly so small.

Momo does not tell Nayeon much of the details so when Dahyun asks later that day who she will be seeing, she can’t elaborate much of the plan and just dismissively assures her to not think about it too much.

/

Dahyun blinks a little too fast when they time out. Nayeon and Momo are elbowing her, teasing her about her date for tonight, whoever the person is. It would’ve been a nice laugh for Dahyun, too, because at the back of her mind she’s thinking of ditching that person after eating a meal together. She would’ve been laughing with them if only it weren’t for her ex sitting prettily at the lounge and when she meets Dahyun in the eye, the world is crashing down on her.

She had hoped that Nayeon had set her up with some random stranger and she would’ve gotten away with it. Tell the kind stranger that she’d rather treat her to a meal than in bed and hopefully when she retells the fake details to Nayeon she’ll believe her because Dahyun is many things but a liar.

Dahyun starts to blame Nayeon in her head, and maybe a part goes to Momo too, because why? Of all people it just had to be her?

She alternates giving Nayeon and Momo a look of displeasure, glaring, and it’s only a couple of steps until they _actually_ reach the lounge that Dahyun is back to her senses and is a few feet apart from her ex. Her brain starts making a mess, starts to blame herself for the bad luck that’s gotten to her. Maybe if she told them who her ex was then maybe she wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.

 _God,_ out of all the possible college throwbacks and reunions, this is the worst that Dahyun has to endure.

Dahyun doesn’t even know if this is an actual hook up or it’s just Sana playing a big prank on her.

Seriously, what the hell is Minatozaki Sana doing here?

And why is she friends with Momo out of all people?

/

Dahyun is not one to make a scandalous act specially in her workplace where she’s just earned a nice reputation with her coworkers. She’s not going to give them a dramatic coming of age movie scene of her bursting into tears, nose clogging, and eyes swelling red like every movie lead does because she’s not one of them.

But if that were to happen, preferably, it’s not with Minatozaki Sana around. No. Never.

She’s a big girl - no, a woman that just sealed a nice deal for her company. This shouldn’t shake her so much. She’s better than this.

“What did Momo bribe you with?” asks Dahyun when they’ve settled down at a booth at the far back of the ramen restaurant.

( _“I’m better than this.”_ Dahyun reminds herself.)

“You,” flirts Sana as she sends a quick wink to Dahyun. And thank god it’s not as god-sent like it was before in college because that would’ve been a big problem for Dahyun. “I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t grab the chance to see you again Dahyun. Besides, Momo told me that work is getting into you.”

Yes, Dahun appreciates the concern that Nayeon has over her; it's just that this concern of her doesn’t play out too well out there. Not for Dahyun, at least. It always has its consequences. Look at her right now: a rock being applied a ton of pressure she’s nearly breaking. But she’s better than this.

Dahyun grimaces at this front Sana is pulling at her, acting as if they didn’t have a messy break up just a year ago, and also to herself because how the hell did she end up with Sana in this ramen restaurant instead of pulling her out of the building and talk her out of it.

This is not how Dahyun planned her night to be.

“How’s work anyways?”

“It’s none of your business, Sana.” Dahyun cuts short, even avoids looking at the girl in the eyes because why is she flashing her signature crescent eyes at her? What the hell?

“Can we just get this over with?” Dahyun nervously laughs. Suddenly all she knows and can focus onto is the way how her hands fidget. “Right, we are over. Sorry about that.”

( _Dahyun what the hell?”)_

If Dahyun could just sneak her way out, pretend she’s going to leave for the restroom - oh, Sana is talking to her again.

“We can be friends.” Sana offers, smiling.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what Momo told you over the phone – _Hey, you need a friend? I know someone named Kim Dahyun._ ” She mimics. “Doesn’t sound like Momo to me.”

“Come on lighten up! We can still be friends, you know. Besides, if I were to agree on this deal, I’d rather do it with you than anyone else.”

“What deal?” mutters Dahyun, puzzled. “It’s a “hook up” Sana there is no deal in this.”

Sana gives Dahyun a look to tell her that she’s not that dumb as she sounds like. “Like I don’t know that. I came up with it on the way here. It’s between me and you! If you give us a chance – being friends that is, then it would work out.”

“And that is?”

“ _Friends but with benefits._ ” Sana articulates, eyes wrinkling as her smile reaches from ear to ear.

Dahyun chokes on her water, pounding at her chest. Sana hands her a paper tissue, mutters a quiet thanks and then proceeds to wipe the liquids around her mouth. Water all of a sudden tastes so revolting.

“Friends with benefits?” Dahyun repeats those three words as if the whole idea is an abomination to her whole existence. “Like two girls five feet apart because they’re strictly platonic but actually fucks around when no one is looking?”

It sounds ridiculous but Sana bites back her laugh. “Kind of. Have you ever done this before?”

Dahyun closes her mouth. “I only have sex when I’m in a relationship - hooks up are not even an option for me. I thought I could just buy a meal around this and then bam! I’ll act as if nothing happened. What the hell Sana?” She sighs in disbelief, shaking her head at the mere thought. “Out of all people you should know that I don’t do this kind of thing!”

Sana nods, slowly, understanding where Dahyun is coming from. She’s not exactly the open type of girl when it comes to sex out of a relationship, Dahyun that is. But for Sana to say that she is not interested (she wouldn’t be here if she weren’t), it is a very enticing deal plus it’s Kim Dahyun.

Dahyun pinches the bridge of her nose, a sigh resonating. “Can I just buy you a meal?”

Sana tries anyway.

“How about some wine after this?”

/

Kim Dahyun is a busy person. At least that’s what she tells herself to keep herself occupied and not dwell too much on the past because it’s been a year and a half already. She should already be over it. She’s a busy person, she tells herself, and she should be at home reading files and doing research and not be enchanted by the red liquid gracefully swirling around the wine glass she’s mindfully holding. She shouldn’t be in her ex’s house, alone and drunk off from wine. 

Dahyun stares at Sana a couple of fleeting moments before drifting back to her own glass of wine. Really it isn’t a time for a throwback or try to unroll a film etched of (still) vivid photos.

Minatozaki Sana is a friend from college soon turned lover after two years of dancing around the line of friendship. But ultimately, her and Sana live two different lives especially now after the breakup. They do have similarities but their differences outweigh it all and she flinches at the thought.

This is all too dangerous for her.

Dahyun’s eyes follow Sana as she gets up from the opposite seat and chooses to sit beside Dahyun. An arm propped on top of the couch as she leans her head against it, Sana audaciously stares right into her soul. They still have ample space between them and in Dahyun’s mind she’s already overthinking the possible events that could lead them into something that Dahyun will regret once her mind clears the morning after.

“So, how long have you been single?” Sana asks as Dahyun’s line of sight settles on her.

Dahyun can’t help but groan, “Do you really have to ask me that?”

“What? We’re friends. Nothing is wrong with me checking up on you.”

 _Right_ , they’re supposed to be magically friends right now. 

“Nothing since us,” says Dahyun so quietly that Sana has to scoot closer to hear. She sips on her glass before putting it down on the table and bid the liquid goodbye for the night.

“Not even once? You never looked at someone else?” Sana asks carefully, assessing if the situation calls for it. If Dahyun is (still) ever the type to spill.

“I have a job to think about,” Dahyun grins a toothy because she has not said anything out of her mind yet. For now, at least.

“What about that friend of yours?” Sana pries, leaning onto her hand that her cheeks spill.

“Who? Nayeon?”

“Yeah, her.”

Dahyun closes her eyes, tries to convince herself that she’s not _that_ drunk, and says, “Mina - that’s her girlfriend by the way - would kill me if I do. And if I do, it’s disgusting because isn’t that incest? Me and Nayeon are _so_ not happening.”

Really, Dahyun tries to contain herself whether it be jolting up when her head falls onto the side because she’s sleepy or having the courage to look at Sana’s eyes because it keeps her awake - but not in _that_ way. Just because.

The silence drags on. Sleep is somewhere around the house ready to knock Dahyun off of her mind.

But she holds on and mutters, “I try not to think about it too much but my whack brain just decides to bring it up at least once a day and you know, shit happens. _This happened_.”

Dahyun is all honesty mainly because she’s a light drinker and she’s drunk a little over her limit that’s got her caught up in unconscious emotions that drunkenness brings out. And you know, she’s not a liar.

In her head, at least, because she doesn’t want to look pitiful and a stupid misery, Dahyun retells her love story to Sana, one that started too beautifully for it to be true. Even Dahyun can’t believe how surreal it was to be with her back then. She can’t exactly explain it in detail, of how they broke up but the thought of it - breaking up and falling out of love when everything is smoothly sailing just breaks Dahyun and she can’t help but doubt herself.

Was she not enough?

Her heartbreak came from a single call - too short and precise as if it was prepared beforehand. And she thought that maybe it was during their time together that something had shifted, that she found someone else that isn’t Dahyun. Maybe that itself is one of the reasons why she isn’t particularly fond of this “friends with benefits” proposition.

Dahyun breaks from her bubble, alarmed of how Sana is closer than she originally was, mellow eyes and a smoothing hand rubbing to and fro at her forearm as if to calm her. She watches the motion for a long time, enraptured of how she’s missed this feeling of security.

But in her last bit of consciousness, she breaks away from Sana.

“ _Don’t do that_.” She warns Sana. “Friends don’t do that.”

Sana knows.

But what exactly are friends supposed to do?

/

You see, Dahyun believes that friends should not wake up next to each other in one bed, limbs tangled and snoring the daylight away. That is not her and they are not in the position to do so. When she wakes up later that day, thankfully, she’s sleeping on the couch fully dressed instead of waking up at the other side of the bed with Sana on the other.

The thought terrifies Dahyun.

What the hell is she doing in her ex’s house and why did she accept her invitation to drinking classy wine? She's not even the classy and expensive wine type of woman to begin with.

/

Dahyun calls in sick for the day and had sent Nayeon a message telling her that they meet later at lunch and talk about last night. She receives a reply within a minute after sending the message in. Surely, Nayeon is more involved than her in this.

There’s that sting and gruesome twisting sensation in her stomach everytime they catch each other’s gaze. Obviously, they had been out of it last night and only now are they suffering the consequences. It does not particularly sit right with her that she’s currently eating breakfast, one that Sana conjured with her almost empty fridge, with Sana adjacent to her.

“You don’t have work today?” Sana pipes up.

“I called in sick. I think they’re going to let me off since I sealed a deal with a company.” Dahyun robotically answers.

But in contrast to her monotonous answer, Sana’s eyes light up. “That’s amazing Dahyun!”

“Uh, thanks I guess?”

“You’re welcome,” Sana returns, eyes smiling again. “So you’re free the whole day?”

There is something in Sana’s tone that Dahyun slightly catches, but not that fast because she couldn’t precisely name what it was.

“Technically, I am. But I have to meet Nayeon later at lunch.”

“Oh,” says Sana dejectedly. “I was hoping we could go out today. You know, as friends.”

 _(“Yeah, as friends.”_ Dahyun breathes.)

“Some other time maybe?”

“Maybe,” Dahyun whispers a little unsure.

/

“Hold on, you mean to tell me she’s your ex?” Nayeon repeats because after all the details Dahyun had revealed to her, that was the only line that her brain could hold on to and pick up, anything after that turned into static noise and a mess of incoherent phonemes.

Dahyun sinks back onto the cushioned seat, sighing in defeat as her face falls flat. “Yes,” she frowns.

“So did something happen last night? Anything?”

“Were you not listening?” Dahyun sighs again for the umpteenth time that hour, running her hand down her face.

“I was but I got lost when you mentioned that she’s your ex,” defends Nayeon. “So, this whole thing - it’s all coincidence?”

“Afraid it is. You know what’s weird? How the hell is Momo friends with my ex.”

“They’re both from Japan,” Dahyun mindlessly hums. A no brainer on that one. “And Momo knows at least one person wherever she goes. Kinda cool though that it’s your ex.”

“It’s not cool, it’s _weird._ ” she stresses.

“Still, small world. But are you going to do anything about it?”

“I was going to ask you for help but then I remembered your part of the reason why this happened so - No. I’m not and I don’t have time for any of this.”

Nayeon hears it in Dahyun again. The excuse of always being busy to keep herself occupied from the rest of her problems, from the rest of the world. It is tiring to see Dahyun burn herself out when she has so much freedom outside of work.

Nayeon sets aside her half-eaten meal. “Okay, I won’t push anything on you again. How’s your heart doing though?”

Dahyun pauses, stares at her fidgety fingers before meeting Nayeon’s concerned gaze.

“It’s weird, unnie.” She confesses. “It doesn’t hurt yet it breaks everything in me. It’s like Sana wasn’t even bothered by the fact that we broke and it’s just me that made _myself,_ and I don’t know maybe her too, feel awkward?”

“You’re still not over her.”

It’s not a question and Dahyun dares not to speak on that matter.

“And if she wants to be friends?”

“She wants something more than that, unnie. She brought up this idea of us being friends with benefits and I honestly don’t know what the hell is going on.”

Nayeon chokes on nothing, much like Dahyun yesternight when Sana had dropped the friends with benefits agenda on her.

“She wants a what now with you?”

“Sex without feelings, basically.”

“So like a one night stand but it’s not just for one night but for as long as the two of you wants to do it?”

Dahyun blinks, “Wow you really phrased it better than me last night.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m not trying to instigate anything here - okay, but what if you do agree to that? Again, not trying to push something here just to provoke the sleeping thoughts.” Nayeon says too defensively. Dahyun lets her. “I mean, think about it - it’s always the post nut that clears everything. Maybe that’ll help you resolve some of your unsaid feelings and maybe somewhere along the way you won’t feel anything for your ex.”

Dahyun has her mouth open, baffled. “Sex is not the answer to _anything_!”

“Tell me about it,” Nayeon grumbles. “But what if? You’ll never know.”

Dahyun hates that thesis. The “you’ll never know unless you try it” because essentially _it is_ correct, there’s the imposed risk, but it contradicts with her own fear.

“I’d rather be friends than get the sex.”

Nayeon puts on a subtle smirk. Not that she’s watched a lot of movies but she can smell it under her nose of how this story will unfold in _that_ direction sooner or later. She doesn’t want to jinx it but she hopes it gets there anyway.

/

Two coffees and overtimes later, Dahyun has her nose buried in front of the computer screen scrolling through the project file she’s been handed to make a proposal out of it. It was nothing out of the ordinary but it still is tedious to do the work such as getting the right references and materials to be utilized in her presentation. She’s not exactly blessed in the creative department but her being diligent and resourceful makes up for it.

Dahyun groans in pain as she slumps back to the office chair, back aching from the working streak she’s been on. Even her coworker at the next cubicle scolds her for working _too hard_ and that she should take a break which then reminds her of Nayeon and Momo’s failed attempt to get her another hook up.

Dahyun checks her phone in the meantime, trying to enjoy her self-imposed short break before going back to work. Her thumb scrolls endlessly, switching from the gram to subreddits whenever she gets bored of one.

_3 Unread Messages._

Dahyun swipes them to the right.

They are all from Momo and Dahyun doesn’t really feel the obligation to reply back even when Momo sends her another message that calls her out for sending her to the inbox instead of replying. Not that she minds because all of Momo’s messages were straight up attempts to convince her to come out of the office and have fun when she has work to do - that dawns on Dahyun of how much of a workaholic she’s become over the course of the year. Always busy just because she wants to, this Dahyun will never admit.

If other people knew, they’d call her crazy for succumbing to the evil system of working over the hours and not getting paid enough for it when she has the obvious option to skip out or even blame capitalism. But really, she isn’t. She prefers to stay back and have her mind focus at this thing that keeps her away from awful mind provoking thoughts.

Sighing, Dahyun puts her phone on silent and resumes her work, slowly pacing her readings from article to article. She’s been hanging around Nayeon too much to even come up with her own what ifs.

Soon her three unread messages become four, then another one and another one until it all piles up with Dahyun still locked onto the computer screen, typing away parts and important bits of information in her draft proposal. It even rings twice only to get ignored as Dahyun tries to finish up for the night.

She leaves the office forty minutes later, the security guard telling her not to pull too many overtimes and that she should go home on time with the others. Same old. Dahyun thanks him for his service anyway.

/

Momo personally comes up to her cubicle during lunch break, a pout planted on her lips. She hands Dahyun the spare sandwich that the office cafeteria had left, concluding that Dahyun is skipping lunch when the clock rolls 10 minutes in and her shadow is nowhere to be seen.

“It’s chicken sandwich.”

“Thanks,” mutters Dahyun before she bites onto the chicken sandwich, her eyes never leaving the article.

“ _Really_ Dahyun?,” She sighs. “Do you have your phone on silent or what? You don't reply to any of my messages!” Momo whines, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, I was just busy. Sorry about that.” She laughs dismissively, eyes still glued to the screen.

Nayeon is right. She now believes why Nayeon strongly wants Dahyun to get a life outside of the office.

Momo snatches the phone on Dahyun’s desk, disappointed to see that there are even more messages piling up that her friend has not opened nor cared to check with.

She tries to get past the lockscreen, “What’s the password?”

“My birthday.”

Momo clicks her tongue. “Which is?”

Huffing, Dahyun momentarily stops to criticize Momo. “Really, you don’t know when my birthday is?”

Momo shrugs, stoic. “So when is it?”

“0528.” Dahyun recites grudgingly before turning to work on the proposal again.

Getting her phone explored by people she’s friends doesn’t give Dahyun the anxiety of them ever finding dark secrets or anything scandalous because the last time she had opened her phone, which was two three days ago (she thinks), she had nothing interesting going on. But she doesn’t see how Momo reacts, the way she realizes a second too late that this unknown number in Dahyun’s messages _is_ definitely one of her saved numbers in her contact list.

Momo doesn’t open the messages though. Only because this unknown number has been contacting her for the past few days with one specific agenda in mind. And maybe it slipped her mind that she gave Dahyun’s number.

Feeling like she’s seen enough for today, she returns the phone back to its original position, next to Dahyun’s clacking keyboard. It’s mechanical and while Momo is not into stuff like that, it's simple that the keyboard gets annoyingly loud the more you stay beside Dahyun.

“You should check your phone. You’re _missing out._ ”

“Am I?” Dahyun casually replies over her shoulder.

“Big time, Dahyun. Big time.”

/

Dahyun is stressed and the curls and fly away hair striking out from her usually smooth and silky hair says it all. Their team manager had called her in today to discuss the project proposal, nothing out of the blue and Dahyun was well prepared if she ever is prompted to report her progress and show them her outline. Except that the meeting consists of Dahyun having to take down notes and reconsiderations of her proposal and was told that she will be presenting it in three days.

They’re crazy for that! Corporate works are always crazy when it comes to giving unrealistic deadlines as if Dahyun doesn’t have to search through articles again, reading them thoroughly to source the appropriate materials and references, and then she has a stupid PowerPoint to make after. It’s like college all over again.

It reads 10:30 PM on the clock. Dahyun knows she should get going before the security guard comes to her floor again and pranks her by turning the lights off. He did that one time before, effective enough to scare Dahyun that’s got her bolting out of the office heading straight to the emergency stairs instead of waiting for the lift.

Not happening tonight.

She falls into the usual routine. Dahyun says goodbye to the security guard, she hops onto a cab going home, and she rinses the day’s ache away as she falls straight into bed, savoring what feels like cottony clouds. But she can’t sleep like the usual albeit being beaten up from stress and the ache from sitting too long.

Swarm of messages greets Dahyun when she finally unlocks her phone. Most of them are from her friends, mainly from Nayeon and Momo because they never fail to check on her when she works overtime. Her replies to both are short and concise: _I’m home. Thanks for checking up on me. Have a good night._ And a little smiley emoji at the end so it won’t sound too formal and awkward.

One number stands out from all the identified numbers in her messages. An unknown number that has no sort of history in Dahyun’s phone or whatsoever until three days ago.

Her throat catches an invisible clump when she taps open the contact.

/

Dahyun wills herself to get out of her office chair and join Nayeon at the office cafeteria. They’ve bribed her with desserts, assortment of different baked goodies and that the company is finally investing in good food other than stupid tech deals. Dahyun comes nonetheless because of her personal agenda.

“Did you give my number to someone?” Dahyun swears it’s not her intention to ask Nayeon in an accusatory tone - it just came out.

“No? What’s that going to do for me?” Nayeon replies, eyeing Dahyun before she shoves her macaroni salad into her mouth.

“Sell me out since, you know, you’re always trying to set me up with a hook up and that shit with Momo- _Oh._ ”

And as if on cue, Momo arrives at their table happily unpacking her lunch bag and stabbing her banana milk with paper straw. Sensing that Dahyun has a hold on her she asks, “What?”

“You gave my number to Sana.” Declares Dahyun, holding no space for Momo to deny and griefing her time so she can steal the banana milk from her tray. Quickly, she sips on the straw claiming dibs on the carton of banana milk.

“That’s _my_ banana milk Dahyun,” Momo sneers, eyes squinting in disapproval.

“Yeah? Well, you’re not denying it aren’t you?”

In the midst of this heated stare off, Nayeon chews at the side alternating between Dahyun and Momo. Nayeon is a good friend. It's just that she’s out of loop as to why Dahyun has this strong sentiment against Momo.

“Excuse me but what the hell am I not picking up?” Nayeon meddles, cheeks still in slow motion as she chews her food.

“Sana’s been texting me and it’s all because of her!” Dahyun points a finger at Momo.

“She has?” Nayeon pipes us. “Since when?”

“ _I don’t know_ ,” refuses Dahyun as she backs down and lets Momo have her peace.

“I’m doing you a favor, Dahyun. And myself too since that girl keeps on spamming me messages in all my contacts and socials - and, uh oh my god, it’s frustrating having to deal with Sana!”

“She’s my _ex,”_ Dahyun emphasizes the word, even sips at the straw harsher.

Her eyes bulge, arms coming up in the air and says, “She is?! Oh my god - why didn’t you tell me! How was I supposed to know she’s your ex!”

“Well now you know - Sana knows,” She groans and Dahyun is assuming that she will be for the following days. “This is not going well. She knows my number and where I work, the next thing I know she’s at the lobby lounge again!”

/

Dahyun hates jinxing herself. She really does. Maybe not herself but this whole scene in front of her, unraveling how receptive Nayeon is to Sana as she greets her at the lobby looking like she’s been waiting for a couple of good minutes. Momo is no different because she ushers Sana to join their circle as they all time out - as if she had not vented out how frustrating it was to deal with Sana earlier at lunch.

In Dahyun’s poor focus and distorted mind, she finds their group sitting at some steak restaurant downtown and she swears that there is not a single atom in her body that agreed to this - it just happened.

Things just keep on happening.

She’s starting to hate this “it just happened” idea. It brings back depressing thoughts, the awfully mind provoking ones that she’s sure she’s buried a few months ago in the process of getting over it.

(Has she really?)

“Everything alright at the company?” Sana asks particularly to Dahyun, lashes fluttering in a way that Dahyun curses herself for watching.

She has her chair slightly rotated to Dahyun’s direction. Sana doesn’t bat a lash at Nayeon and Momo who are both amused and expectant for her show of confidence. They watch how Sana handles herself with Dahyun, her words smoothly sailing and her actions as breezy. As if her mother tongue is Dahyun - that fluent.

They don’t know what history these two share - Dahyun never tells much about herself and they have kind of grown accustomed to this side of Dahyun: always kept that they have to check on her from time to time before things come crashing and burning down. But for now they rely on Dahyun's reactions that betray her caged thoughts. Now they’re deadly curious.

“Stop doing that,” Dahyun hisses, audible enough for Sana to hear but quiet enough for Momo and Nayeon to even decipher.

Sana smiles at her and Dahyun hates how her stomach is twisting and churning.

“We’re friends Dahyun. Chill out.” She sends her a quick wink.

Dahyun prays she makes it through the night without throwing up.

/

They are adults and as they claim to be, talking should be no problem for the both of them. It is, supposedly, what adults do best. That is what they should be doing but instead Dahyun is blankly staring at her phone, specifically at Sana’s messages the past few days.

“Are you going to talk to me or not?”

Dahyun hums, tucking her phone back into her pocket.

“How dead serious are you with this friends with benefits thing?”

“As serious as you are,” answers Sana.

“Don’t play with me - you come to the office unannounced, pull this dinner stunt right in front of my friends, so tell me what’s next? You in front of my apartment? You “bumping” into me at a convenience store? Tell me so I don’t have to worry about seeing you so much.”

“Do you want that?”

Dahyun can’t believe how Sana still manages to flutter her lashes at her, so casual, there’s no hint of anything to hold her back.

Dahyun sighs, dropping her shoulders. “Please don’t answer me back with a question this is getting frustrating!”

“I want us to be friends,” confesses Sana.

(Maybe a little more than that.)

“You’re moving _too_ fast. You’re doing it again.” Dahyun huffs, feeling defeated.

Dahyun jerks, almost repulsed by how Sana takes both of her hands into hers. Sana hides it, like she always does, even if it sounds like her heart is breaking. She understands though, how it scares Dahyun of her popping out of nowhere when their breakup is far from rainbows and butterflies. No closure - it just happened.

They both hate that _it just happened._

“Just friends Dahyun.”

Sana really _tries_ not to croak and crack.

Dahyun buys it in haste, terrified at the addition of thumbs rubbing at her skin in soothing circular motions.

“ _Just friends_ ,” Dahyun breathes as she gathers her heart in broken band aid patches to look Sana in the eye.

/

Her usual lunchtime is spent typing away at her workstation, reading over the materials, and doing the final revisions of her proposal. Again, Dahyun likes to claim that she _is_ a very busy person. Much more so that she has a deadline to catch. (She’s already finished with the report and the presentation and she tries to justify this behavior of her just because she doesn’t want to entertain the texts popping up on her phone.)

Sana had sent her a text this morning. A simple “ _Have a nice day!”_ it read. No malice nor any hidden agenda behind the text. And Dahyun had sent back a “ _Thanks. You too.”_ because she thought it was polite of her to do so.

They are, after all, friends. At least, in the state that they are in, they are trying to be.

She receives another text not long after that reminding her to not skip lunch and her meals. Dahyun thinks it’s typical for a friend to do that because Nayeon does it, Momo does it. They remind her from time to time to take care of herself.

They’re friends - her and Sana. And as friends, Dahyun is okay to not always receive a reply back. It never is an obligation for her to do so. She does that for the next couple of messages she receives from Sana, unknown to her what they contain.

Her screen lights up, vibrates, flashing the contact name _Minatozaki Sana._

Dahyun slouches on her seat, releasing a deep sigh. She picks up the call on the fifth ring.

“It’s Dahyun, what’s up?”

“Just checking on you.”

Dahyun clicks her tongue. _See?_ “Uh, okay? Is that all?”

“No, not really,” Sana hesitates but is quick to dismiss the idea. “You haven’t replied to my texts - not that I’m forcing you to it’s just that I’m concer- curious if you’ve eaten? Have you?”

Dahyun presses the phone between her ear and shoulder. She pushes her chair closer to her desk and resumes skimming the document she’s been dealing with for the past thirty minutes.

“Probably after I finish.”

“It’s almost past lunchtime! Ya, I’m coming over there!”

“You’re wha-”

The line cuts and a long beep ensues.

“Sana? Hello Sana? Sana are you there?” Dahyun repeats in desperation.

( _“Fuck.”_

_Breathe, Dahyun._

_Breathe.)_

Her project is halted to completion all of a sudden, locking her computer and sprinting past cubicles to get to the elevator. It dings once, Dahyun enters. Twice, Dahyun gets off on the ninth floor, briskly walking around the glass barriered room trying to get a glimpse of Im Nayeon’s head among the many workers.

One of Nayeon’s colleagues greets her a confused welcome then asks what she’s doing here when her station is on the sixth floor of the building. “Just because,” Dahyun briefly answers.

Moments later Nayeon comes to her cubicle, holding her new tumbler, and a bagel at the other. It’s a sesame bagel fresh from the cafeteria. Props to the company for not giving up too fast on funding their pantry.

“Dahyun?”

She sets the bagel and tumbler down on her desk.

Tapping the girl on her shoulder, Nayeon tilts her head to the side to get a look at her soulless friend. Nayeon wants to be a good friend and offer Dahyun her freshly baked bagel but it’s kind of her favorite and it’s supposed to be a filler snack for her - it’s hard for her to let go of something so good. And she tries to justify her own greed that maybe Dahyun is not hungry.

“Do you want my bage-”

“No.” Interrupts Dahyun, spinning the chair to face Nayeon.

Nayeon sighs in relief - _Thank god_ she’s eating her bagel later.

“Shouldn’t you be working on your proposal? It’s due in two days.”

“ _I know,”_ drags Dahyun looking painfully dejected.

Nayeon takes this opportunity to bite onto her bagel before Dahyun changes her mind.

“Ooh what’s with the attitude miss?”

“Sana is coming over! I don’t have time to entertain her but I don’t want to be rude and tell her off, make me the bad guy all of a sudden.”

“What’s left in your proposal anyways? You’re pulling a whole week of overtime, surely you must be done by now.”

Dahyun sulks - literally like a child.

“Just a few revisions on the last couple of slides and I’m done,” she huffs, blowing air to the loose strands of hair around her face. “I feel like I’m cramming something I’ve researched a lot.”

“Doesn’t look like it. You’re stressing over nothing, really.”

If Nayeon were to compare Dahyun to anything, it’s like working with an overachiever student that cries when she gets a 99 out of 100 when the rest of her peers are averaging 76. Unnerving at times but they’re glad to have her around. She keeps the team pushing forward rather than settling for underwhelming.

Dahyun delivers well as a worker but outside of that… Nayeon sighs, shaking her head.

“Why don’t you be a sport and show your friend around the cafeteria. Maybe, just maybe, not pushing the thought, but go and eat lunch together. Just a change of scenery for you.”

“My friend. Huh,” Dahyun mumbles.

“Can I get my chair back? You can sit at the lobby instead and for Sana to come,” Nayeon winks before she yanks Dahyun out of her chair and claims it.

“Is Momo done eating her lunch?”

“If you think she’s going to help you, think thrice. There’s nothing she can do if Sana insists on coming over. Either you tell her off or just go with it.”

Dahyun grumbles. She breathes deeply, shoulders shagging once again. “I hate feeling bad when I’ve done nothing.”

Nayeon shrugs and shoos Dahyun off with one swift motion of her hand. Dahyun walks with heavy steps towards the elevator. The ping suddenly hurts her ears and even the barely audible music is suddenly booming as if preparing her for a boss fight she doesn’t even want to face.

The office worker catches the frontdesk’s attention, even the security guard that always tells her to go home early, when she steps out of the elevator trudging slowly to the lobby lounge. Her feet echo throughout the area or is it just here that hears?

“Nice to see you lounging around Miss Kim.” says the security guard, a fatherly smile on his face as Dahyun slumps back onto the sofa. “Still on break?”

“Yeah. I don’t have much on my plate anymore-”

Dahyun bites back her tongue realizing what came out of her mouth just now.

She’s a busy person.

She has a job to do.

She needs to keep working-

“Dahyun!”

The security guard perks up at the new face - gradually blending in with the environment despite only being here for the third time.

“I see,” He says cheekily to which Dahyun does not like the sound of. “You were waiting for your girlfriend.”

“ _Ex_ ,” she corrects half-hearted. “But we’re friends now, I guess.”

A strong smell of curry washes over Dahyun’s senses as Sana approaches, smiling not only at her but to the very same people she works with. If they were still together, this would’ve melted her heart - of how sweet Sana is. She supposes that she still is, but not entirely. Dahyun can’t assume something out of someone she feels like she barely knows.

Sana is light on her steps, much like her presence, bouncing towards her. Dahyun feels bitter. It reminds her of their college days.

“You bought food?”

“Cooked, actually.” Sana proudly shows off, raising the lunch bag up for the smell to disperse in the air.

“You know how to cook now?”

“I learned a lot in a year, didn’t I? But you be the judge of my skills.”

A year is indeed a lot of time for them.

Dahyun leads Sana (or more like Sana asserting her way into the premise as if she were the one working instead of Dahyun) to a thinning cafeteria with a select few of colleagues finishing up their meals, some cleaning their tables.

“Also, if you don’t like to eat the curry I have cream pasta but we need to reheat it.” Sana instructs, unpacking the lunch bag now revealing its content for Dahyun’s senses to feast on. Her hands move on its own accord, lifting each and every container to see more of it.

“You can open them.” offers Sana as she closes the zipper of the lunch bag. “Do they have a microwave here?”

“I think so? Hold on let me ask.”

Dahyun departs the table carrying the container with pasta in it. It looks good enough for her and she’s not one to get picky with her food.

Thankfully the staff are kind enough to reheat the food and serve it on a platter instead of its original plastic container. Dahyun comes with a tray in hand, her face much lighter now that food has stimulated her senses.

“Is it that good you’re smiling already?” Sana teases as Dahyun sits opposite of her chair.

“I’m hungry,” Dahyun confesses. She rubs at her stomach to emphasize it more, and to her embarrassment it actually makes a sound, grumbling loud enough for Sana to giggle.

“It’s lunch, why are you skipping? I know you have work but even a quick snack would suffice, Dahyun.”

A spoonful of curry ascends to Dahyun’s awaiting mouth - can’t even hold back the delightful moan from the first taste. Another spoonful goes into her mouth and Dahyun forgets to answer Sana. Doesn’t even mind that Sana’s full attention is on her, pleased to see Dahyun enjoy her cooking and not repulse her just as much as she expected her to.

“Slow down you’re going to choke yourself.”

It would’ve been perfect, movie-like even, if Dahyun bats her a single lash instead of _just_ devouring the food with hums of praise every time she swallows - talk to her even. It would’ve taken Sana back to college if Dahyun sees her again like the friends they were before sharing lunch together or just simply waiting on each other to finish.

If only Dahyun knew how much courage and skin it takes Sana to keep showing up. It really isn’t a losing battle if only she owns up.

“Don’t you have work?” Dahyun finally asks. It makes Sana jump in her seat. “What work are you in?”

“I work freelance as a videographer and sometimes as a model for startup clothing brands. If ever your company needs a model for some sort don’t hesitate to hit me up I’m always looking for things to do.”

Dahyun nods as she listens. _Yeah,_ Dahyun also keeps finding excuses to do more work than rest.

“What project are you working on anyways? You even skipped lunch just for it.”

“Just a proposal,” murmurs Dahyun.

“If you’re working the extra hours for it you might as well not refer to it as _just a_ _proposal_.”

Dahyun snickers which somehow taunts Sana, biting the inside of her cheek. “What do you know?”

“Not a lot,” Sana replies, an attempt to undermine her true feelings. “Maybe you can tell me a few more over dinner.”

A smirk then Dahyun chuckles like eating dinner together is ridiculous for _friends_ to do when in fact it isn’t and it’s completely normal. For friends, yeah.

“I’m a busy person, Sana. I work when everyone’s sleeping, resting or just, you know, going home. I don’t think eating dinner is an option for me.”

“Yet here you are eating with me. Still a busy person?”

Again, Dahyun wants to reiterate that she is indeed a busy person, that this argument of Sana is not as valid as she thinks it is. Dahyun can live up to her words, expectations even, but the more she inhales and savours the curry down, see Sana’s eyes wrinkle into crescents because she’s cute like that - Dahyun _wants_ to believe that this is a valid excuse and still label herself as a hardworking and busy person.

Dahyun is in the middle of convincing herself that this is nothing.

“Yes. Yes, I am a busy person.”

Sana hates how stark Dahyun’s words are.

“See you tomorrow at lunch then.”

“What - why?” Dahyun rapidly blinks, confused.

“As your _friend_ , I’m just looking out for you. Maybe I’ll cook you your favorite and if it’s any good you might want to reconsider eating dinner with me.”

Oh no, Dahyun is not nervous. _No,_ totally not. Sana is just getting her way through food. Not that it's effective.

They’re friends, anyway. Yeah, just friends. Nothing to be nervous about.

/

Sana had clearly announced she’ll be coming back to the office and Dahyun even prepared for it - mentally and emotionally because she has a lot of things on her plate right now. So she tries to get over it as fast as she possibly can, meet Sana at the lobby, ride the ridiculously packed elevator (Dahyun thought it’s always empty but that’s just because she doesn’t go at the same time as the other employees), and find themselves a spot at the cafeteria.

Dahyun loves that her coworkers are not as nosy and curious as Nayeon and Momo. She had hoped that they wouldn't spot them at the corner but they still did - and god was Dahyun so mindful of her own harmless actions knowing that those two have their eyes on her and Sana. So much for training her brain to not be nervous at that exact moment with Sana.

Two bowls of black bean noodles and a couple of choco pies. Sana is thoughtful enough to remember that Dahyun has a liking towards sweets specially to pastries. But not sure enough if her preferences over sweets are still the same - one year is long for someone to have a change of heart.

“I thought you were going to cook my favorite?” Dahyun prompts in an attempt to mask just how nervous she is.

Sana wags her finger from side to side. “Not so fast. You gotta earn it yourself if you want to eat it. I’m not the type of friend to spoil, you know?”

If they were still in a relationship, everything about this Sana negates the Sana before; always taking care of her and whatever. But that’s the past. Dahyun tries not to reminisce such thoughts.

“Alright, _friend._ ”

“Are they always like that?” Sana leans forward to which Dahyun has to back herself subtly so as to not offend the girl.

“If you’re talking about Nayeon and Momo, then yes. Don’t look at them for too long or they’ll think you’re inviting them to come over!”

Sana ducks her head instead, peering up at Dahyun. “So Miss _I’m a busy person,_ how’s work for today?”

“Delightful.”

There is it again. The starkness in her voice that Sana swears sounds like more of a high pitched frequency ringing at her ears rather than convincing.

“Awful? I told you, it’d be better if you get laid every once in a while. The offer still stands, you know - well it’s never been closed in the first place.”

Her brain screams at her, telling her that they’re _just friends._ That they are nothing more than that and nothing less. Just friends. Her and Sana.

Instead of replying, Dahyun shoves a plentiful amount of noodles into Sana’s mouth as it was open - not welcoming but she has to either way and to not make a mess out of the black sauce. A convenient way for Dahyun to shut her up instead of being vocally rude and ruin her appetite.

/

Dahyun can’t really say that she’s agreed to this “friends with benefits” kind of relationship with Sana by falling into this trap of being friends. But Nayeon thinks otherwise with how her eyes squint and lips curl upward, Dahyun can easily tell she’s not going to have it easy this week. The month even.

Nayeon has stolen the chair from Dahyun’s absent coworker at the other side of her workstation, making herself the most comfortable worker in the building as she shoves a stolen choco pie into her mouth.

“Is it a thing now?”

Dahyun frowns. “We’re friends.”

Nayeon disregards the very obvious fact. Still, it is something to see Dahyun eating lunch with Sana and on top of that at the same time as them, which rarely happens unless Dahyun has no excuse for work or when they force her out of her chair and into the elevator.

“Mmm,” is all Nayeon says.

And somehow that sparks something in Dahyun, like she has to defend herself (again) over nothing. They’re just casual friends and just as Sana said before, she’s only looking out for Dahyun. The same way Nayeon and Momo look out for her. As a friend.

“How’s the heart this time?” asks Nayeon. Casual and drips no intention.

“Beating.”

“Too fast or patched up?”

“None. It’s because I’m healthy.”

Another wrapper of choco pie is ripped open by Nayeon. “Tell Sana she needs to bring more choco pie if she wants to keep seeing you.”

“You’re being a parasite.”

“No I’m not! It’s _mutualism._ Bet you that the two of you are going to end up the same.”

Dahyun raises a brow at her friend. When she finally understands, she rolls her eyes. “We are _friends._ ”

Nayeon shrugs. She’s already onto the next wrapper of choco pie but Dahyun is quick with her reflexes to stash the remaining sweets into her drawer.

“Okay Miss _I’m always pretending to be busy,”_ Nayeon keeps contact with Dahyun, as if to challenge her. Her hands move in quick motion to the drawer but Dahyun is quicker to slap it away.

“Jeez, you have Sana all to yourself and now choco pie? Come on just one last choco pie!”

Dahyun is starting to hate the ample amount of free time Nayeon has.

/

The next day, in which Dahyun woke up to a nice morning and got to work on time, her mood is as though they are on boosters. There’s a smile on her and confidence in her walk. Sharp yet light. Nothing eventful had happened the night before, really. It’s just that she knows Sana won’t be coming in today.

Yesterday, Dahyun had clapped victoriously in her head when she didn't hear the three words from Sana. There’s no “see you tomorrow” from Sana.

Even Nayeon is skeptical with Dahyun’s overall aura for the day. Still soulless but less.

“You got laid last night?” Nayeon guesses.

They fall in line at the cafeteria. Dahyun is by her side and Momo will be coming in soon a little later as she still has some work to finish. Oh how Nayeon wishes for Dahyun to do the same.

“No,” pipes Dahyun, a smile on her lips.

“You got your pay for that deal?” She guesses again. Nayeon is on her tippy toes trying to get a glimpse of the menu for today. Swiping her tongue over her lip, Nayeon eyes the salmon with focus.

“I wish.” Dahyun frowns. She’s been expecting it to come around somewhere this week and next week. It’ll really suck if she receives the pay during the last week of the month. She could ask but the last time someone did it, the person got fired.

“Then what’s got you walking like a new baptized person?”

It’s finally Nayeon’s turn. Dahyun also extends her tray onto the staff, pointing with her lips which she’ll be getting.

“A what? Nevermind-”

The skeptic look on Nayeon’s face remains even when they’re playing the waiting game for Momo. Dahyun flinches, kind of, and as much as she hates to say it out loud, the way Nayeon is looking at her as if she’s some criminal convict irks her.

Then a light bulb appears brightly illuminating Nayeon’s mind as she comes to conclusion that this has something to do with Sana - and what? Her face falls. _Unbelievable._

“She’s not coming today is she?” Nayeon looks around, doesn’t know why she hopes Sana would magically twirl and show up like those characters in fantasy movies, and surely there is no Minatozaki Sana holding a lunch bag.

Dahyun smiles, not that it left. “Awesome, right?”

“You’re hopeless,” Nayeon mumbles. “Can Momo just arrive already? I think I’m going to lose my appetite because of _someone._ ”

“You’re mean!” Retaliates Dahyun.

“And you’re pathetic! Sheesh, the girl wants to be friends with you and you treat her like this? Dahyun, I hate that this is going to come out of my own mouth but you kind of feel like a backstabber to me.”

“Hey,” says Dahyun. “It’s like not I can just let an old flame of mine just burn my face like that - I need time to adjust to things.”

“Yeah? Tell that to my face when you’re not feeding her and wiping her mess.” she refers to yesterday, rolling her eyes at how audacious Dahyun can get.

“We’re _friends_!”

“Keep telling yourself that if that makes you sleep well at night.” Nayeon says with an edge.

“Wait… are you mad at me?”

A stare is all Dahyun gets. Silence too.

“You’re kidding me,” she sighs exasperatedly.

She blinks several times. Nothing.

“What for? What are you mad about?”

Nayeon looks as if she is in deep thought. No trace of anger in her face but Dahyun can easily tell. Dahyun doesn’t like being crucified like this.

A deep and heavy exhale. Nayeon decides against giving Dahyun the silent treatment and would rather resort to using her mouth (and her experiences that she’s gained from dating Mina and bits of life advice that are also from her ever mature and wise girlfriend Mina).

“I get that you’re wary because she’s your ex and you’re only doing this to protect yourself but think about Sana too. She’s showing all of her cards to you. And for me, that’s enough to give her the benefit of the doubt - be genuine with her. Heck, even with yourself. I respect that being friends is all you can give her but act like it.”

There is an itch in Dahyun’s throat dying to get out. It sounds similar to “I hate taking risks.” and if she listens attentively it gets clearer as “I’m scared of falling.” Dahyun’s stomach twists in different angles, empty and begging to be filled - whatever it needs. If it’s to be fed by the harsh truth or to swallow a hard pill that says she should be over her ex and what they were before, move on, Dahyun isn’t sure which one.

/

Later that day, Sana sends her a message.

**Minatozaki Sana (5:49)**

**_hey i got work so i couldn’t come for lunch_ **

It’s lame, and Dahyun agrees, but she thinks saving Sana’s full name is proper than coming up with a nickname. Dahyun’s not ready for that kind of friendship yet.

**miss i'm busy (but not really) (5:51)**

**_It’s okay_ **

**Minatozaki Sana (5:51)**

**_did you eat lunch? i can come over and we can eat for dinner after you finish_ **

**miss i'm busy (but not really) (5:54)**

**_nah it’s okay don’t wanna tire you out_ **

**miss i'm busy (but not really) (5:54)**

**_you should get some rest_ **

Sana feels like her heart is soaring.

Dahyun feels like she’s burning.

**Minatozaki Sana (5:55)**

**_i will and you should too!_ **

**Minatozaki Sana (5:55)**

**_see you tomorrow :)_ **

Sana grips her phone, anticipating, eyes never leaving the three dots floating on Dahyun’s side of the messaging screen. _She’s typing._

Until she’s not and Sana pouts, sulking.

**Minatozaki Sana (5:57)**

**_oh btw you should finish your proposal today so I can take you out tomorrow_ **


	2. we're friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends. They're strictly just friends.

It’s past office hours. Not that it’s anything new to Dahyun.

There are at least five screens on and keyboards and mice are still clacking nonstop trying to meet the deadline. One of the five is Dahyun, the patron of working overtime, the office’s renowned too good of an employee, while the others are cramming their work due tomorrow. Unlike them, Dahyun has no reason to be here anymore. (But Dahyun likes to come up with excuses to do so.)

She’s done checking the slides of her PowerPoint, saved the final file in her USB, and all that is left is for her to print copies of her report.

Nayeon had dropped by earlier with Momo before they time out, told her the usual “go home early instead of working overtime and that she shouldn’t be a slave to capitalism”. It’s a good laugh if she thinks about it. Don’t get her wrong, she’s like the rest of her colleagues when it comes to work. The only difference is that Dahyun can tolerate working overtime compared to the rest and not think of her being tied to the system - it’s not exactly the best and the healthiest lifestyle out there but it works for her so why not.

_ (“So what excuse do you have this time?” Nayeon brings up before they pull out of Dahyun’s area. _

_ “Uh, I got the spirit?” _

_ Momo chortles then it soon turns obnoxious the people around their area have to shush her down. “You got the spirit? The one that comes in a dove form and tells you to preach how devastatingly good it is to work overtime?”  _

_ She squints her eyes at Momo, finding it abhorrent. “Here I thought you were being good friends trying to check up on me.” Dahyun purposely turns her chair’s direction back to her desk, her keyboard starts clacking again. _

_ Nayeon bites her lip, trying to hold back her own giggle before she elbows Momo. _

_ “You’ve got your  _ friend  _ for that, right? Sana -  _ the  _ Minatozaki Sana.” Momo adds but only gets a frown in return from the busy office worker. _

_ The point after that, Dahyun stops listening and tries to redirect her focus back onto her work. There’s no easy way out when it’s Momo picking on her because as much as Nayeon is a persistent devil, Momo is much deeper in hell and she goes right for the strike. Nayeon is a bit easy to tolerate, at least she tries to sugarcoat her words. _

_ They leave Dahyun be when they get no reaction out of her anymore. The fun is over.) _

So, yeah. Dahyun has another excuse as to why she’s spending the extra hours again inside the office instead of taking a break and calling it a day. It’s laughable and a poor excuse but when has she not had one?

She plugs her USB out after saving her documents and files into separate folders, clicks the shut down and Dahyun is off to the coffee room to mix herself a cup of coffee before she heads to the photocopier room.

“Miss Kim?” croaks the male employee rising from his seat as soon as he sees the USB dangling on Dahyun’s finger.

Dahyun turns back to the male employee. He’s rubbing the sleep off of his eyes, hair slightly messy, to which Dahyun turns to find a nearby clock. It’s already past 9 PM. Though it’s still quite early for Dahyun, she gives him some slack since she has zero knowledge with how the photocopier works.

Quarter before 10 PM, Dahyun has all her papers filed and ready for her presentation. The tick and the tock from the clock does not go unnoticed by Dahyun. She hurries past the elevator. Now the loud ping that comes from it doesn’t sound so pitchy in her ears -  _ finally.  _ She’s done for the day.

“You’re quite early today Miss Kim,” says the security guard sporting his usual fatherly smile that only now Dahyun notices.

She nods and says, “Yup, I finished early. You’ll be going home soon too I suppose?”

“Not with the others still working and the person next to my shift nowhere in sight. It’s going to stretch for a little while.”

Her phone flashes open again and reminds her how early it is compared to her usual time outs.

The message is from Sana.

**Minatozaki Sana (9:52 PM)**

**_are you home? i hope you are_ **

There’s a smile that goes unnoticed by Dahyun but obvious to the security guard. Of how little he sees this young lady have time for herself and treat herself every once in a while. Rarely does he see Dahyun time out with her colleagues, even with her friends Nayeon and Momo.

“Have a safe trip home.” He says like a father.

Her phone dings again.

**Minatozaki Sana (9:53 PM)**

**_tell me if you get home or else i’m gonna get worried even more :(_ **

She returns his smile.

/

Dahyun expects the usual, of course. Nothing much has changed - well except her texting Sana back a couple of times “out of politeness” because Nayeon told her so and that’s what her guts tell her. Other than that, Dahyun expects to fall asleep the instant she hits her bed.

Everything is going well until it suddenly isn’t. Here she is past 12 AM still awake, tumbling and rolling around her bed and making a mess of what’s already a mess out of her covers. It’s been hours of her falling in and out of sleep it’s getting frustrating to even close her eyes.

There’s that gnawing feeling in her stomach, twisting and pulling tighter and tighter the more she focuses on the sensation. It’s hollow and never painful but it’s presence is enough to bother Dahyun into staying awake for a couple more hours.

/

“You could’ve just slept in instead of looking like a ghoul the whole day, Dahyun.”

Nayeon gives Dahyun one last look of concern before she decides it’s time to stop weighing her friend down than she already is. Gosh, if Dahyun was soulless before then this Dahyun is close to applying to be the next reaper of souls.

“This isn’t a classroom, you know. Work doesn’t work like that.”

Momo snickers. “I wish it does.”

“Nevermind, I’m sleeping so see you two later I guess?” She gets up from her seat, the scratch and drag of the chair irritating her already wonky brain. What a day!

“Do we have the right to wake you up?”

Dayhun shakes her head before leaving the table, shoulders sagging and lifeless as she walks away.

There she goes again, Kim Dahyun the soon to be reaper of souls if she doesn’t stop herself from getting herself distracted with the office.

/

Nayeon eventually checks up on Dahyun a little later. She finds Dahyun bowed to her workstation, eyes closed and lightly snoring. It makes Nayeon wonder because most of the time when Dahyun pulls a whole week or two of overtime, she usually makes it out alive and soulless and not with dark circles under her eyes - another proof to her claim that Dahyun is next in line as the reaper of souls.

“Hey do you happen to know what time Dahyun left yesterday?” Nayeon turns to Dahyun’s coworker, hands pressed to her waist and foot tapping as she alternates between Dahyun and her coworker.

“Nope,” she says as she clacks away with her own keyboard. “I left early and Dahyun’s really not the person I get to time out with most of the time. Why?”

_ Right. _

Everyone else runs to the exit when it’s over and Dahyun happens to still be sitting and clicking away at her workstation. Always. Nayeon hoards a deep sigh.

“This idiot is dead exhausted as you can see,” she points back to sleeping Dahyun and her coworker leans back to see her. “And you probably know how she’s one tough cookie when it comes to working overtime.”

“Uhuh. Well she deserves to sleep as much as she can since she gets the work done anyways. Dahyun is one weird corporate worker.”

Nayeon agrees. Just like what she said before (and she’s proud of it) Dahyun is that overachiever of a student that gets the job done so when she slacks off there’s nothing you can say about her. It’s the usual for Dahyun to work the way she does so it comes off a little worrying and alarming to have her this exhausted.

Nayeon leaves and gets on the lift. She later returns with a packed lunch and a can of soda for Dahyun to eat later when she wakes up or when she feels like it.

Nayeon laughs to herself. She can buy Dahyun a whole meal yet she can’t find the heart to give her a piece of her favorite bagel.

/

Dahyun scratches at her nape, smacking her lips too, all the while asleep and snoring the hours away. Sometimes, Dahyun wakes up in jolt but ultimately falls back to sleep right on the bat, eyelids too heavy for her to keep open.

She snuggles closer to her arms, indulging in her less than comfortable sleep. But it’ll do because she’s damn tired and last night she didn’t have the privilege to sleep.

How she wishes the circumstances are the same last night.

/

There are about four pairs of clothes dumped in front of Sana’s full sized mirror but in her eyes and in her exaggeration, it’s a whole mountain of clothes at disposal because no matter what she tries on she doesn’t look “pretty enough” to impress a “friend” that she supposes is working hard right now at the office. She looks at the mirror and though she still has her pride and everything with her, it feels as though she’s put it out there and she feels so pathetic twirling around the mirror for uncountable times now (not that she’s counting) for an unsure dinner with Kim Dahyun.

Dahyun could’ve replied back last night because the last time Sana tried it herself, typing is not as hard as going through paragraphs and searching articles from top to bottom. She hopefully looks back at her phone thrown carelessly on her bed. It only disappoints her more because there are no new notifications.

It sucks for Sana to think this way but Dahyun is kind of unfair. But she’s not going to blame her because she’s reached this point of trying too hard for someone who she considers as a friend.

Sana scoffs because wow? All of this for a damn friend?

The last person she dated didn’t even have this privilege of her inserting this much effort into dressing up and constantly checking on what on earth are you doing as of the moment! Sana didn’t dump clothes and think her whole closet is near clearance. Sana didn’t twirl (and twirl again) in front of her mirror like a high school girl about to go on her first ever date! Sana never did that! Excluding the time when she dated Dahyun before.

This feels like college all over again and Sana is not pleased with how her resolve is quick to disappear when in the first place she’s the one who bargained and insisted that she and Dahyun become friends again. And maybe it slipped her mind that things don’t really go their way.

It’s stupid if she thinks about it - not them dating but why they broke up. Back in college, even when there are tons and piles of paper works and research to work on, Sana would always find a way to sneak into Dahyun’s dorm and when that happens they go about it in two ways: Dahyun drops whatever she was doing and they would cuddle with each other or Sana slithers her way into Dahyun’s lap as “motivation” to study even more. Dahyun knows better than that of course. Either way, Dahyun’s dormmates are surprised to see Sana walking out of her room the morning after because  _ clearly _ Minatozaki Sana does not live with them.

They were… unexplainable. Sana hates it that way that even their break up is unexplainable.  _ It just happened. _

Sana supposes (and hopes) now that they’re a year older, they’ll find it out together. Even as friends.

/

“Sana,” grumbles Momo into the phone. “What is it this time?”

“Hello to you too Miss Hirai “Moody Bitch” Momo,” sneers Sana. “I’m coming over before your time out is that okay?”

Sana hears Momo audibly sigh but tells her, “How about you come in and see Dahyun for yourself instead of waiting.”

“I can do that?”

Momo is not about to laugh at how eager Sana sounded but takes note of it in case she needs a list of proof to slap to either Dahyun or Sana - if the time ever comes and asks for it.

“Totally,” she replies right off the bat and Sana has to bottle her own excitement.

/

Dahyun’s hair is messy and Sana has this “strange” urge to run through her fingers along smooth locks but she decides against it instead.

_ (Get a grip _ , she tells herself.)

“Dahyun,” softly Sana calls. She lightly shakes Dahyun by her shoulder, careful not to give her a bad wake. After all, she does not want a grumpy Dahyun to be her friendly date this fine evening.

“Kim Dahyun, wake up.” Sana tries again. This time, cursing herself for not holding back, she trudges through Dahyun’s soft yet messy locks that are all over her back and face. It’s adorable and familiar - the same when Sana goes on sneaking her way to Dahyun’s dorm only this time it’s in her workspace and Dahyun is sleeping soundly.

_ (“Get a grip Minatozaki!” Sana tells herself.) _

“Come on wake up or else I’m going to kiss you.”

Swear it’s on timing that Dahyun actually groans, her eyes still closed, and unrelenting because her eyes are still heavy from sleep. She turns to the other side only to press herself further up into her own arms and try to ignore whoever was calling for her. It doesn’t sound too much of an emergency anyway and it surely does not sound like her boss about to fire her up for sleeping during work hours.

“Kissing you in three, two, one..” Sana hesitates, bites back her own words. “One and a half?”

Now she's unsure.

"One and a quarteeeer?"

Really, she's dragging this on and thank god Dahyun’s eyes flutter open before Sana makes an embarrassment out of herself (not that anyone is around because office hours are already over) but still. Kissing Dahyun when she’s not conscious is not really ideal for Sana.

“Sana?” Dahyun grumbles, blinking several times as she adjusts to her surroundings and to check if this is actually reality and not some dream in a dream. That would be weird.

“What are you doing here?”

Sana is going to pretend her stomach did not just receive an invisible punch. Of course Dahyun would forget. It is, after all, an unsure dinner that Sana did not receive any sort of confirmation or whatsoever. They’re friends, yeah. It shouldn’t disappoint her too much, not that it’s such a big deal for her.

Sana bends to meet Dahyun’s level, finds tired and sleepy eyes that are yet to recover from slumber.

“Did you eat lunch?” she asks instead.

There’s a packed lunch at her table and a can of unopened soda. Dahyun jolts in realization that she might’ve overslept her supposedly one hour nap for lunch. Her moves become frantic, in a hurry to pack her valuables into her bag.

“Hey slow down what’s the hurry for?”

Embarrassed, Dahyun visibly tones it down and ducks her head and tries to get herself together and not make a fool out of herself. Consciously, she wipes at the sides of her mouth if there’s any remains of drool. Thankfully there’s none.

“Well - uh, I don’t know it’s just that.. You look so dressed up and beautiful and I don’t know - let’s go?”

( _ Beautiful.  _ Sana pretends that she’s going to let that one slide off, jotting it down clearly on her mind that Dahyun just complimented her. Not that her heart soared a little higher than normal - but it did but she’s not going to let it show.)

“Are you sure?”

“I’m pretty su-” A yawn interrupts Dahyun.

“It’s okay if we cancel today, no biggie.” Sana smiles and Dahyun wishes it’s enough to keep her awake but in reality it’s not and she can’t help but yawn another one, longer.

Sana keeps her smile. Dahyun thinks she’s nice. “It would be embarrassingly cute if my date slept on me so either that or you go home and get some rest.”

“But you came all the way here and even got dolled up..” Sulks Dahyun, jutting her lip. “I just don’t want to waste the effort.”

“I don’t want to waste my time in exchange. I can always dress myself up and we can always go out for dinner, well at least when you’re not  _ that  _ “busy” and tired. So how about you just go home and rest?”

“Okay,” blinks Dahyun. “I owe you a dinner then. Don’t forget to remind me.”

“ _ Dinner date.”  _ corrects Sana.

/

Dahyun doesn’t mean to come into the office with wrinkled clothes, filed papers close to bursting out of her arms and emerge from the door five minutes late into her proposal presentation to her bosses. To start her presentation slightly shaky, a deep and unsteady breath, different from her usual stature and demeanor that everyone expects her to be. Kim Dahyun is a professional and they expect her to always deliver because that’s what she does, that’s what Kim Dahyun is known for in this company. (These people in high chairs don’t know the hours Dahyun poured in and will pour into. She’s just one of the many employees they have anyway.)

Dahyun doesn’t mean to stutter during her presentation and forget some of the lines she’s practiced and wrote beforehand. Even after a year she still has to face the mirror and practice these lines - the very same lines she’s edited and paraphrased a hundred of times before because she’s that much a perfectionist and a detailed person.

It hurts Dahyun’s ego. The way they hawk like eyes pierce into her every breath she takes, every stutter she makes, Dahyun flinches inside. Something about not delivering the way she’s supposed to makes her feel that she deserves a good punch in the guts or even a salary decrease.

There are about twenty or so slides left and Dahyun is all of a sudden sensitive to the tick and tock of the clock.

The presentation ends. Dahyun closes the laptop.

She’s still shaking even after the meeting ends and she’s out of the suffocating room. Even the pat and solemn consolation that came from her subordinate did nothing. It’s not extreme to the point that Dahyun is shivering but more of feeling cold and the pent up frustration of how badly she did.

Dahyun flinches even when she’s already back in her workstation fiddling with her stupid keyboard. She’s mad thinking she could’ve done better when she had all the time and resources for her presentation to go the way she wanted it.

/

“Dahyun,” Sana calls for the umpteenth time that lunch break. Dahyun has been unresponsive from the very beginning, blankly staring at something past Sana. She tries to look back but she never finds anything that Dahyun could be staring at.

Sana snaps her fingers twice. Dahyun blinks up, looking confused as she’s blocked out all that she possibly can for how many hours already.

It sucks to dwell on something so irrelevant yet it becomes critical the more she thinks of it.

“Sorry I lost you there. You were saying?”

Sana pouts, a distracting one that Dahyun finds herself following - finally something that’s not about the stupid presentation and her bad stutters. That was horrible and sick to think about for hours.

“How did the proposal go?”

Dahyun stabs her meal, moving it around her plate lazily only to stop and drop the utensil. Her brows knit together and there goes an uncensored frown.

“Not the best?”

She nods and it makes her feel like a sulking child. “Wish it was.. You know how I prepared for the whole thing?” Sana nods, enthusing Dahyun to continue her rant. “Yeah well, all of that gone to waste because my body decided to go haywire and show everyone how bad my stutters were. Do you know that I don’t procrastinate anything that’s given to me in this stupid corporate building?”

Dahyun sighs. Her lips press into a thin line as her frustration bubbles up.

“You weren’t there and I think this is stupid but do you think it’s  _ that  _ bad?”

Sana tilts her head to the side.

“It’s not for consolation or anything but what do you think? I need input and it kind of sucks that those people in high chairs don’t give one back.”

“I’m no corporate woman but I have had my fair share of presentations before. The thing is, did you finish?” Sana fires back.

“Yeah, I did. A couple of stops here and there but I finished the whole thing. It’s terrible if I think about it but yeah I did.”

Sana nods, chewing on her food.

“There’s your answer. As long as you got the point across then it’s all okay. Besides, aren’t you like the super employee here or something? I mean, don’t they review the files and the document for the presentation for references and all that stuff? I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“Hopefully,” Dahyun nervously chuckles.

/

Dahyun eventually got over it. It took her a couple of hours at night trying to piece out her mistakes and why they happened in the first place. All she could come up with at 1 in the morning is that: she’s human after all and she’s prone to these mistakes like anyone else.

She thinks it’s lame but what else could she blame herself for? There are things in adulthood that don't really make any sense and all you can do is accept that it happened.

**Minatozaki Sana (2:01 AM)**

**_idk if you’re still up but if you are go to sleep >:(_ **

**Minatozaki Sana (2:01 AM)**

**_you did well on your presentation ok <3_ **

See? Things just happen. Thank god Dahyun has no work for tomorrow and staying up this late is no problem.

/

The start of the week rolls around rather quickly. Dahyun is all prepped now that she had her rest for the whole weekend (despite the small work in between) and she’s not lacking any sleep.

Thankfully she did not get any calls during the weekend concerning her presentation whether they’re considering it or not. Dahyun did her best. At least that’s what Sana tells her and that’s what she’s trying to believe in.

Lunch time is rather bleak for Dahyun now that she’s finished the small works and all that she’s left with is dealing with her two friends bickering with each other over what pastry actually tastes better. No Minatozaki Sana around for lunch and she understands that she has her work to attend to. So, Dahyun sits there as if she’s alone.

The hours after lunch are nothing out of the ordinary. Except the messages from Sana that are now becoming more frequent than usual. And by usual Dahyun means messages that are strictly just checking up on her as to what a good friend will do. The messages she receives are either Sana plainly typing her name as if calling out to her through text or some stupid (and yeah Dahyun finds them somehow funny) memes that Sana found on the internet.

No, Dahyun does not respond to most of the messages. But when Sana starts whining through text and calling her out for leaving her on read (very much the same with Momo), Dahyun is pushed guilty to reply.

Then it’s time for Dahyun to get off work.

The security guard looks surprised to see Dahyun emerge from the elevator among the many employees. He tips his cap off and greets Dahyun with a smile. The office worker stays at the side for a quick chat with him.

“Glad to see you this hour.” He says before Dahyun walks away.

It’s only 9 PM and it’s great to see that the young woman is taking some time off her shoulders, giving up the extra effort of scrolling through the web and clacking away with her keyboard.

/

(Apparently it becomes a constant in Dahyun’s schedule.)

/

**Minatozaki Sana (12:32 PM)**

**_i’m coming over for lunch think we can eat outside?_ **

Basically that’s all that it took for Dahyun to be waiting at the lounge area again with the security guard chatting with her like a father would with her daughter. Dahyun appreciates the gesture because everyone else is just as consumed in their work the same way Dahyun is.

“The girlfriend again?” And there’s that overly sure smile again on his face.

Dahyun thinks he forgot that she clearly and definitely told him before that were exes and that they’re supposed to be friends by now. Which they are and it’s kind of great for Dahyun.

“We’re friends.” It rolls off her tongue too polished as if practiced and has been said plentiful of times already.

“Really? I thought your office friends are setting you up with her!”

Dahyun chuckles. “They were but we figured out friends is a better option. So yeah, I’m eating lunch with her outside, just waiting for her to arrive.”

Dahyun knows she’s oversharing but there’s something so comforting to him that only listens and never questions what she has to say.

Sana arrives a few minutes later sporting her million dollar smile as she walks up to Dahyun. The security guard discretely sends Dahyun a thumbs up before he goes back to his post, the smile never leaving his face as if to encourage her to do whatever it is on her mind.

/

“So let me get this straight,” says Nayeon as she set her tray down on their table. “Your  _ ‘I’m busy’ _ bullshit card that you pull on us is not applicable when it comes to Sana?”

Nayeon looks at her, dirty and eyes squinted.

“No,” Dahyun denies and Nayeon is going to pretend that she did not just hear the urgency in her voice. “I am still very busy. It just so happens that I’m free whenever she comes around for lunch.”

Momo snorts. “Like for two consecutive weeks now?  _ Wow _ Dahyun, we’re suddenly stupid!”

“Oh shut up. We’re friends!”

“Did I say something that you two are not? Stop being defensive or you’ll start jinxing yourself. Not that it’s bad because honestly if you two ever get together at least Sana is going to stop spamming me messages.”

Dahyun quizzically looks at Momo. “She spams you messages? What for?”

“Take a guess Miss  _ I’m always busy.” _

“I don’t know,” shrugs Dahyun.

Sometimes, times like this specifically, Momo wants to just point out the obvious but then again it’s not much of her business to put her nose into. It’s a Dahyun and Sana thing. She thinks it’d be the best if they were to figure it out together.

But the next time they see Sana and Dahyun sitting together at lunch in the cafeteria, because most of the time they eat outside the office and Dahyun is kind enough not to tell them, Nayeon slides in next to Sana while Momo sits next to Dahyun, placing down a carton of banana milk next to her tray. 

“We’re sharing tables now?” Sana asks, eyeing Nayeon as she sets her tray down and pass Dahyun a chocolate bagel that she assumes came from the office cafeteria.

“Tables are full so don’t mind us if we crash with you two lovebirds- oh, right my mistake, it’s  _ friends. _ ” Nayeon casually hints. “Oh and Dahyun please tell me you don’t have anything to work on for the next few days.”

Momo chortles out of the blue and then says midlaugh, “With the time Miss  _ I’m always busy  _ here spends with Sana, I bet.”

Dahyun elbows her, pleading innocent with her fake smile that she flashes to both Sana and Nayeon.

“So Sana you don’t mind coming with us tonight?”

Dahyun stops stirring her iced coffee in hesitation, feeling a little bad that she’s being compromised into something again. “Us? Wait am I forcefully getting dragged out again tonight?”

The simple roll of eyes coming from Im Nayeon confirms her suspicion. But to her side is also a frowning Momo, distastefully chewing on her food.

“What’s the deep frown for Hirai?” Sana poses as her brow is raised.

“Mina’s coming with us, is she?” Nayeon smiles wider and Momo’s frown gets deeper. “You see?”

“Oh come on! We have three singles with us. What are you whining for Momo?”

The smirk on Nayeon’s face betrays Momo the most as she digs distastefully in her food. How could there be three singles when the other two are just in plain denial?

“I’ll be lucky if I don’t see you shove your tongue down Mina’s throat tonight, a miracle if you don’t end up grinding up on each other.” Momo revolts, shooting daggers at Nayeon who seems to be in complete bliss as she digs into her meal.

“Do I get a free ride home? I’m in if it’s a yes,” says Sana.

“Ask Dahyun.” Nayeon purses her lips and points to Dahyun.

Sana has to find out the answer later tonight.

/

**_Minatozaki Sana (9:34 PM)_ **

**_are you there with Nayeon?_ **

**_My friend dahyun <3 (9:36 PM)_ **

**_i am but at the same time not. are you and momo near?_ **

**_Minatozaki Sana (9:36 PM)_ **

**_don’t like third wheeling?_ **

Momo gets to peak at the message and she snickers to herself. As if they’re the ones that are going to be third wheeling tonight.

**_My friend dahyun <3 (9:40 PM)_ **

**_please tell me you two are near_ **

Nayeon looks back from the bar counter. At the far left of the bar she sees Dahyun cooped up and occupied by her phone typing at lightning speed. She assumes it’s Sana because the only person that’s blowing up her phone right now with messages (and she can hear the whine even from miles away) is Momo. 

“Looks like Dahyun has her fun elsewhere.” says Mina as she comes back from the restroom after retouching her makeup. Nayeon thinks she’s beautiful nonetheless.

“Tell me about it,” groans Nayeon. She motions at the waiter and no more than a minute he gets their order.

“How is she and that girl you keep talking about?”

“Sana and Dahyun? Don’t be surprised but they’re  _ friends. _ ”

Mina raises a brow. “Are they supposed to be something more than that?”

“Well - no, not really. But it’s been kind of a miracle to get Dahyun out of her shell and all of that crap happened when Sana came. Cliche, right?”

Their drinks arrive and Mina takes a sip of her own before Nayeon can steal a gulp.

“I wouldn’t say it’s cliche but at least that’s helping Dahyun out destress from all the work she’s doing. You’re so into them getting past the friendship line what’s up with that?”

Nayeon briefly looks back to check on Dahyun, still intact and busy by herself. Well, she has invited Dahyun to the counter but she chose not to join them much to Nayeon’s expectation.

“I’m playing cupid,” she winks at her girlfriend.

“They’re adults.” Mina deadpans.

“Okay maybe I’m not cupid but just a helping hand to get Dahyun’s thought process going because that girl really needs help in the emotions department.”

“You make it sound like she’s incapable of feeling.”

“I am not!” retorts Nayeon with a pout to which Mina eases away with a kiss. “Dahyun just needs a little push from time to time, okay? She’s literally given the lemonade already but she keeps on insisting to squeeze the lemons.”

Tell Dahyun she has a week off she’ll spend it working on unnecessary files for the company and even sending them in before the due date. Tell Dahyun she has nothing to worry about, she comes up to Nayeon and Mina looking pale and nervous as if it’s her first time inside a bar.

Nayeon turns to Dahyun. “You okay?”

“I’m not going past the line am I?”

Her stomach has been twisting and pulling again for the last few hours. Dahyun has been trying to get a grip with herself and find out why she’s been feeling this way. She’s spent a solid thirty minutes staring at herself in the mirror and she feels like she’s made a fool out of herself.

“We haven’t even started and you’re already showing us your cards? Have a drink Dahyun.” Offers Nayeon.

And Dahyun does as she’s told, thinking it’d at least ease the gnawing feeling in her stomach. Nayeon and Mina watch her as she easily drowns three shots in a row, hissing and face contorting because of the bitter alcohol.

Kim Dahyun and alcohol don’t always go in the same sentence but when it does it’s a mix of slight tolerance, grumbles and whines from the heart, and overly exaggerated facial expressions. Mina elbows her girlfriend that’s about to burst into a fit of laughter, the bubble in her throat hard to contain when Dahyun is giving it her all trying to explain why pineapples don’t go on pizza.

Dahyun is not sure if it’s her sixth shot already but she sure is feeling the tipsiness get through her. She blinks and the next thing she knows is she’s back at the booth with Sana and Momo ordering their drinks and snacks to go along with it.

The volume of Momo’s voice increases and Dahyun (she thinks she’s kind of out of it already, can’t really tell) presumes she’s overly excited over nothing. So much for someone who’s become the life of the party when she’s been whining about third wheeling the whole night a few hours ago. But Dahyun tries to listen to their conversation because she’s not one to break the atmosphere of the group. It’s the least she can do and she has alcohol to back her up.

Nayeon fills a shot glass full and passes it to Mina.

Momo is quick to steal Nayeon’s spotlight and asks, “Is there a time Nayeon sucked in bed?”

_ Oh.  _ So they’re playing now.

“Totally,” giggles Mina and they can’t mistake the red flush on her cheeks. “There was a phase when she can’t even finish me off.”

Nayeon juts her lip and Mina thinks she looks like a kid deprived of candy so she kisses her - quick to pull away before Momo does it herself and express how disgusted she is with her whole body. It never ends in a good way.

The shot glass is then passed to Sana. Nayeon thinks it’s too plain and fills another one and hands it over to Dahyun.

Dahyun picks up nervousness as follows the sway of the liquid. They can get unforgiving at times like this and Dahyun in her not so stable mind thinks that she’s a big girl - an adult and that she can take it.

“Ever thought about getting back together?”

A gulp and a blink.

There’s no hesitation as Dahyun downs her own glass. At the same time Sana says, “We’re friends.” before she drinks her own.

“No shit sherlock,” chides Momo.

Dahyun studies Sana for a moment, squinting her eyes hard enough thinking she can get past her and see through her thoughts. At least they’re in the same spectrum:  _ just friends.  _ Anything beyond that, Dahyun fears, is dangerous and shouldn’t be brought up. Not for now, at least.

The time passes and there are at least seven empty bottles lying around their table. Dahyun doesn’t really know how she and Sana ended up cruising through the street, swaying from side to side and occasionally giggling over nothing, away from their circle and going nowhere but to wherever.

For sure Dahyun is not  _ that  _ drunk because she pretty much believes that she can still think straight, see straight and not be as wobbly and unsteady as Sana is. Her words come out as incoherent phonemes, smile lopsided and a whole lot messy when they arrive under the lamp post next to the waiting shed. Gosh what a mess Sana is right now and frankly Dahyun can’t remember where the hell this girl lives (and maybe she’s not in her right mind, a little bit).

Sana hogs all the space on the bench, lying there so free and unabashed. Yes, her giggles are uncontrollable at this point - contagious even the more Dahyun’s focus shifts on the drunk girl. She thinks Sana is close to passing out.

The floor is cold but she takes it nonetheless as she waits for a possible cab to pass by and maybe - just maybe, get them both home respectively. She’s pushed aside the thought of Sana and solely focuses to sober herself up even when Sana is on her side and messing with her hair.

(Dahyun can’t focus if she’s being honest.)

It’s going to take them a while to sober up.

“Sober up,” says Dahyun as she struggles to get up and catch the cab. She’s not sure if it’s empty but she tries to get its attention anyway.

The cab passes by and Dahyun half-heartedly sits back on the floor. There are parts of Dahyun that wants to go home, fuck showering and go straight to bed - those are the safe parts but the parts outside of that are dangerous territory. Like when she slumps back onto the bench and her head hits against Sana’s stomach, a hand comes up to stroke her hair and her willpower to restrain herself from sleeping right there  _ almost  _ vanishes.

Dahyun tries again but this time she picks the smarter choice, her mind starting to clear up each time the breeze hits her face bringing her down, and she books a carpool service home. Honestly, (Dahyun likes to blame it on the alcohol that persists) she could worry about the consequences tomorrow morning.

The car arrives not later than thirty minutes and it’s kind of embarrassing that the driver has to help Sana up and into the car. After all that huff and puff, Dahyun can finally close her eyes now she’s at the comfort of going home. By the time they arrive in front of Dahyun’s apartment, Sana’s got a fragment of herself together. Not much but it makes a difference because all Dahyun has to do is guide her inside.

Still, Dahyun huffs and she thinks she’s close to passing out from how heavy Sana is. Dragging the girl out of the elevator is a pain in the ass. She has to hold the door from closing and at the same time pull Sana out of the metal lift. It’s tedious but at least they’re inside her apartment now.

She drops Sana by the sofa and by the time the drunken girl hits the cushions, Dahyun is on the floor beside the sofa ready to sleep the night away.

Her eyes are unfocused as she stairs up the ceiling. Dahyun turns, squirming and bothered again by something she can’t put her tongue on. The hand that limps by the edge of the sofa catches her attention and then she finds Sana shuffling, too. She’s on her side and it’s only a couple of silent minutes before Sana is peeking through her arm, looking down on Dahyun.

“What?” says Dahyun as the stare comes for her mind. She stares back at the girl on the couch. Sana’s shadow covers Dahyun’s body on the carpeted floor and it’s weird because Sana is starting to look like someone she’s not supposed to be staring at or else she’ll get caught in the crossfire.

Dahyun doesn’t like being openly stared at specially when there’s no reason why. She squirms away from the undivided attention and gets up, though her body is weighing her down, she trudges through the kitchen and get herself and Sana a glass of water. Her steps are slower compared before and when she comes back to the living room Sana is sitting at the edge of the sofa leaning her head to her hand.

“Here,” she hands Sana her own glass.

Now that there’s free space on the sofa, Dahyun fits herself in and lies down on her side because the sofa is a much better option than the bed right now. Really it’s not going to take Dahyun a whole minute to get there but that’s the thing about consuming alcohol. The easiest tasks become grudgingly difficult and tasking.

“Dahyun,” calls Sana but Dahyun has her eyes closed already.

“Mm.”

“Dahyun.”

She peeks with one eye but all she sees is the ceiling, not bothered to bend up and see what’s going on with Sana. “Yeah?”

“Can we order ramen and some dumplings?”

It’s approximately 3 AM and Dahyun is still out of it, Sana probably is too, but hey they were trying to sober up so the idea doesn’t come off as crazy and rash. The process of ordering, explaining her address tipsy is not an easy task specially with how short tempered the person on the other line is but she gets it done anyway.

The waiting game starts.

“Oof,” groans Dahyun as Sana’s body collides with her. They’re snuggly fit on the sofa with Dahyun’s back pressed against the sofa and Sana is also lying on her side facing Dahyun. In better condition, Dahyun would’ve jolted up and her insides would be burning and churning at maximum from Sana’s proximity - she can feel their hot breaths and Sana’s eyes are much larger compared to normal - that kind of proximity. Dahyun stays still, closes her eyes when Sana snuggles closer, nosing at her neck.

The waiting game drags on.

Since then that gnawing feeling in her stomach subsides and all that Dahyun can feel is how much she’s missed having someone this close to her - the assurance of safety and comfort is what she misses the most. They’re friends and Dahyun is starting to accept that friends can go this far. They’re simply enjoying each other’s presence.

There’s no harm in Sana hooking her arm around Dahyun’s waist and cuddling impossibly closer. They are friends. Friends can do this.

The waiting game is over when the door buzzer rings.

“It’s your ramen,” Dahyun half-heartedly mumbles, her lips pressed against the crown of Sana’s head.

“Let go Sana,” She peels herself away from said girl and makes a slow beeline to the door.

The door closes and Dahyun sets the plastic bag on top of the coffee table. She sits legs crossed on the carpeted floor, unpacking the bag and setting the hot containers aside.

Sana yawns but the grumble coming from her stomach is strongly telling her to get her fill because someone named Hirai Momo decided to hog all the food they’ve ordered earlier. She sits beside Dahyun, leaning her head on Dahyun’s shoulder because it’s heavy and Dahyun feels warm. Sana likes warm.

“I’m not going to feed you Sana.”

Sana giggles and pecks Dahyun on her cheek. (Dahyun tries to keep it calm. Friends can do that.) “I know but break the chopsticks for me, please?”

“O-Okay,” Dahyun cringes at herself. What the hell was that about?

Dahyun starts turning the pillows upside down trying to find her remote. She can’t even remember the last time she opened her telly because the only screen she looks at is either her phone or her laptop.

She finds it under the pile of unorganized magazines on the accent table at the side of the sofa. Dahyun is not an enthusiast when it comes to watching shows or movies so she lets Sana take over, clumsily connecting her Netflix to the screen. It takes her an ample amount of time and a couple of typos with her password but she gets it nonetheless.

The first episode of Reign plays.

“You good there?”

Sana nods as chews on her fourth dumpling. Yeah, this is a nice way to sober up and not sleep heavily influenced by alcohol.

They’re not sure what time it is. The sound coming from the telly fortunately saves them from the probable chance of falling into awkward silence because unlike the usual circumstances where there are people around them, this one somehow is close to intimate and personal. And Dahyun has to remind herself that they’re friends and that the telly is providing them comfort that silence cannot.

“You watch this?” prompts Dahyun before she digs into her noodles.

Sana shakes her head and frankly this is the first time she’s ever heard of this show.

Times passed by just like that. Frankly the whole episode went in one ear and out on the other and they’re already on the second episode and they’ve finished up their food by then.

“Cuddle me.”

Dahyun pretends she didn’t hear what Sana had randomly demanded from her, keeping a straight face and this time she really tries to get into the episode. Aren’t they supposed to be sleepy and tired?

Dahyun visibly tenses and that’s when she knew that she’s sobered up - now that her heart is pumping to a faster pace and that gnawing feeling is back in her stomach. It’s sickening to feel something so hollow and she can’t do anything about it. Sana has captured her in a side hug, both arms wrapped around her waist and head resting on her shoulder.

She gulps down the obvious. It shouldn’t feel  _ this  _ familiar - too familiar that it takes Dahyun back to their college days when all they do during breaks is eat and watch shows that usually turn into static noise because it’s either too boring that they fall asleep or it’s not interesting enough that’s got Sana kissing her all up instead.

Dahyun sweats, jaw tightening when Sana runs a hand down her forearm that feels like fluttering affection it makes her stomach churn. Minatozaki Sana is many things and right now she’s one big temptation that even Dahyun can’t process, really. She has options to choose from on how she’s gonna go about this situation. Her brain goes haywire again and there’s an invisible clutch at her heart. Why is her brain suddenly wired to kissing Sana?

Friends don’t do that. They don’t cross the borders and think of kissing each other. That’s not what being friends meant and it scares Dahyun.

What the hell is this about?

The audio makes up for the silence yet again. It saves Dahyun’s ass yet again (and even her loud and stupid mind provoking thoughts) because really who in their right mind won’t feel this jittery with Sana pressed against her and all her brain could conjure are Nayeon’s stupid and annoying mind provoking thoughts! 

She tries to focus on the show really, reading the subtitles and trying to get immersed in the scenes because beside her is Sana, completely into it. And it bothers Dahyun how she’s the only one that’s making a fuss over nothing.

_ (Francis, the soon-to-be-king, runs up to King Henry, the current crown bearer of the country. It’s a heated conversation, a persuasion to get the King’s approval over the matter. _

_ “I'm intrigued by how much you care for a girl you claim you don't want to marry.” The King says.) _

Sana makes a sound, jerking and snickering at the sarcastic comment. “Momo knows someone as defensive and as in denial as that.”

(“ _ Great,”  _ whines Dahyun. “ _ She’s just as sober as me at this point.”) _

“Who? King Henry or Francis?” Dahyun asks and yeah it’s a dead giveaway that she hasn’t been paying attention to anything since they started watching the show.

“Francis.”

Blonde, in denial, and always hiding behind an excuse to not own up to the truth. Totally the same as the crowned prince. But the description Momo gave before was vague and not a single face came to Sana’s mind.

“I don’t get it why he wants to bury something that’s still alive. What’s he going to lose anyway?” Sana huffs but the scene is over for her to dwell on.

For someone who was constantly giggling and stumbling over nothing, Sana sure does sober up quite fast. Dahyun wishes Sana would fall asleep - no not in this position that they still are in but in a much favorable place for the both of them. Favorable in a sense where Dahyun is at safe distance away from Minatozaki Sana because she swears that friends don’t casually cross the border of even thinking what the consequences are if they ever did kiss.

Sana starts tracing random shapes on Dahyun’s stomach and it shouldn’t work like magic or any medicine but it does and the gnawing feeling is gone and is replaced by something Dahyun is afraid to name. She relaxes into the light touches and she reduces the complications of her own heart.

“If you lose it what are you going to do then?” Sana speaks softly.

Dahyun doesn’t have a clue of what she’s talking about and before she could think and filter her thoughts and words into a solid sentence, she snickers and says “I’ve lost you before so what’s the difference of losing again?”

She thinks it’s ridiculous how hard it is to breathe when Sana finally detaches from her and purposely looks her in the eye and she gets frightened over the possibilities of Sana seeing through her inside and out. 

The show is long gone and static now, and a stare down is what takes up the whole living room and silence is not much of a big deal anymore as it’s starting to become deafening for Dahyun.

There’s a crack and Dahyun really wants to pretend she doesn’t see it but it’s hard how Sana still has a hold of her even after a year of what Dahyun supposes is a long time for her to get over it. (She never did.)

“That’s not what I mean Dahyun,” mutters Sana.

“You and I don’t exactly make sense- even our breakup didn’t.”

Sana swallows a lump in her throat - much like a hard pill to swallow now that’s up in their faces. They weren’t able to give each other closure and this right now is not the way to do it.

“One year is a long time,” Dahyun wants to crucify herself. “And I’ve learned that I should invest in something that won’t magically disappear out of the blue. I have to be sure in the things I invest in whether it’s my job or the people around me. I don’t want to invest in something that’s worth losing. The last time I did that, it hurted like shit.”

Dahyun mirrors Sana, eyes just as desperate as the other. She doesn’t like any of this. She doesn’t like the way Sana is looking at her, moving closer, invading her up close like this. There are cracks that both of them purposely hide and Dahyun is not out here to show Sana a single fragment of it.

“You haven’t let it go.” Dahyun hates how her ears perceive Sana’s voice - of how so sure she is like she’s seen through Dahyun even without trying.

“I have. I wouldn’t be here if I haven’t. I wouldn’t be friends if I still am.”

She hates this.

Dahyun hates the conflict that she alone stirs in this lone battle.

Sana keeps her eyes on her, not that it left, but it grows on her and she becomes painfully aware of how mellow it became. Dahyun wants to ignore her.

“Kiss me.”

She really does. Dahyun wants to (ignore her).

Dahyun blinks, “We’re  _ friends. _ ”

“Friends can kiss.”

Sana challenges Dahyun, scooting definitely closer than before with only three inches of nothing (and maybe fear) as barrier between them. Dahyun holds her breath.

( _ This is ridiculous. _

_ Friends don’t kiss. _

_ This is ridiculous.) _

“Friends can kiss, Dahyun.”

(Sana omits the part that says friends with feelings can kiss.)

She’s sure Sana is close, feeling the ghost of her lips against her as if teasing to touch and Dahyun is ashamed of herself for waiting. But what the hell is this gnawing feeling inside? It’s painful twisting and Dahyun can barely contain a deep exhale to herself, and it’s supposed to be gone.

“Are you nervous?”

Dahyun wants to know where Sana gets this confidence, the absolute smirk on her lips even if she keeps her eyes closed. (Except Sana is nowhere that word and she’s badly trembling inside.)

It never crossed her mind that Nayeon and Momo would mistakenly get her ex-girlfriend as her “supposed to be hook up” and then would brazenly ask her to become friends and on top of that an absurd deal of having benefits. And it never crossed her mind that Sana would be kissing her a year or so after their breakup - that they’re supposed to be friends yet they kiss and they kiss again that Dahyun comes to a point that she knows nothing about herself and her feelings. She knows nothing that when they pull apart, her eyes are still desperate and insides are still gnawing and twisting violently.

It scares Dahyun how Sana mirrors her so perfectly. That when she leans in again Sana does the same thing and they fall into this loop of meeting each other in the middle.

“We’re friends,” Dahyun breathes when they briefly pull apart.

“Friends.” Sana confirms before leaning in again.

/

Once is a mistake. For this to happen twice – of Dahyun waking up in the same place as Sana – it becomes a liability for her even so when she hears loud continuous knocks at her door and her phone is blaring with unanswered calls and messages from Nayeon.

“Sana,” she shakes the girl awake on the sofa, cursing under her breath when Sana clings onto her arm more. “Wake up!”

The intensity increases tenfold when she faintly hears “Kim Dahyun open the door!” and it sounds exactly like Im Nayeon ready to give her an early death. Isn’t she supposed to be wasted when she drank the most among them?

Panic and desperation climbs onto Dahyun’s shoulders and she finally is able to stir Sana awake.

“I want you to hide.” Dahyun says wide-eyed.

“You what?” croaks Sana, sitting upright on the sofa.

“Nayeon is at the door and believe it or not that she’s going to stay there until I open that goddamn door! So  _ please  _ can you hide until I get her to leave?”

Her thoughts are interrupted again when the knock from her doors gradually gets louder. Nayeon is not angry really, it’s just that Mina had urged her to check up on Dahyun this whack morning for the sole reason that she hasn’t been answering their calls so the faster she gets to see Dahyun in one whole piece the faster she can go home and sleep the day away.

Dahyun is on her way to the door while Sana is on the move to hide herself in whatever hiding place is available in Dahyun’s apartment. It almost feels like she’s in a stealth kind of mission and it’s amusing at the same time comical.

“Hey,” Dahyun warily smiles, a beat too fast and she fears Nayeon catches her again.  _ Fingers crossed.  _ There is no way Nayeon is in her right mind at this time of the day – what time is it anyway?

“I’ve been knocking for the last twenty minutes Kim Dahyun.”

Nayeon makes her way into the apartment uninvited but she walks around like she is. Not that Dahyun can do anything because she’s Im Nayeon. No funny movement or weird and untimed answers for now.

“Did I do something for you to be here?” she asks.

Nayeon raises a brow, “Did you?”

Bad call.

“Are these dumplings and ramen containers?” speaks Nayeon as she peers over the coffee table. “You ate what at least three servings? Surprised you don’t have a bad stomach.”

Dahyun is surprised too. Mainly because there’s no sign of Im Nayeon letting go and calling it a day. She’s pretty sure that Nayeon enjoys her day off and the weekends in bed (preferably cuddling with Mina) and totally not intruding herself inside Dahyun’s apartment.

“Heard from Mina that you and Sana took off earlier than us. You accompanied her home?”

“No choice.” Dahyun replies suspiciously.

She’s not lying – well the half of it, yeah, she is. It’s just that she took Sana to another home that happens to be her apartment because her mind was in a disarray last night and the giggles that went along with it did get her sidetracked.

Dahyun opens her mouth, about to add more unnecessary details, but Nayeon beats her to it, “I better get home. Mina told me to come check up on you since you weren’t answering our calls.”

“Whipped.”

Nayeon waves her one last goodbye and says over her shoulder, “Say that again when you stop pining over Sana.”

Sana simply peeks her head through the door of Dahyun’s bedroom, a minute late to hear what Nayeon has to say but just on time to help Dahyun clean up their mess in the living room. They work in silence, half silence and half awkward pacing around the room. Only now does silence make its presence known, a little too strong for them to ignore.

Dahyun clears her throat yet nothing comes out of her mouth. It all circulates around her mind and it’s loud and clear – almost booming and deafening of how it screams at her that she just spent the night with… her friend. Except the sex, of course. Thank god because Dahyun won’t have any ounce of dignity in her if that ever happened.

And oh my god – are those hickeys on Sana’s neck?

_ (Fuck. _

_ Kim Dahyun what the fuck? _

_ Shit? _

_ Shit!) _


	3. it's easier this way

“You think too much.” Is what Sana would say to Dahyun whenever she complicates the simplest of things, that even their movie nights would turn into a disaster - of Sana turning her back on Dahyun and giving her the cold shoulder. Sana could never stay mad at her for too long.

Sana has her own depths and complexities but whenever she’s with Dahyun everything becomes leveled and she’s suddenly the basic of the basics, like she’s the guru of gurus and she has everything under control when it’s just one loose string away from breaking.

She expresses her thoughts concisely, gets it across the room and into Dahyun’s bone that this is what she’s feeling. And really all that Sana needed was a little sprinkle of attention and affection from Dahyun for her to return into her arms. Everyone is a procrastinator at certain things and at certain times, it just so happens that Dahyun tends to her problems that’s already been a week long overdue.

But Sana is understanding, everyone can tell you that. She’d understand if she needed to give time and space to Dahyun because of her studies and all of that college crap because she has the same load too. She’d understand Dahyun whenever she shows up late during their dates because she has a deadline to meet. She’d understand whatever Dahyun would throw at her simply because it’s Dahyun – she loves her and she’s not fragile.

Understanding Dahyun is worth it. At the end of the day (or their fights), Sana gets to spend her time talking to Dahyun on the phone and then later finding out that the girl had dozed off to sleep. It was adorable and she loved that Dahyun had fought another losing battle of sleep just to keep up with her.

She gets to be with Dahyun at the end of the day and all that she had to do is be patient and understanding.

However, in this arrangement of theirs that Dahyun strongly and strictly puts a line into, that they are only friends, nothing more and nothing less, her being patient and understanding is nowhere near good fruition.

Yes, they have kissed but Sana has this gut feeling that Dahyun was only lured (and maybe she was too) because they were under the influence of alcohol and it was that kind of moment.

She has to come up with another excuse (the same level of mastery Dahyun has) just so she can see her again.

The excuse comes in a form of a college reunion, one that she’s been randomly invited to because she’s Minatozaki Sana and half of the population in the university during her time knew her. At least as Dahyun’s girlfriend. Sana doesn’t dwell on other names that they call her because it’s not as fluttering and exciting compared to being known as Kim Dahyun’s girlfriend.

Sana held on to that for years.

It’s going to be a hell of a heartbreak all over again when people start asking how Sana and Dahyun are doing.

/

Dahyun thinks too much and she has her senses on overdrive, just as what Sana had told her before. She notices even the slightest movement from the people around her – from the smallest quirks to the subtle giggles that tells her she’s trapped in this junction for a couple more hours unless someone saves her.

A certain someone had insisted she go to this college reunion and that certain someone is nowhere in sight.

Dahyun likes to keep things to herself but all these people that come up to her and strike up a conversation (she’s pretty sure that these are all Sana’s acquaintances), all they could bring up is how she and Sana are doing.

Dahyun has an answer to that question – they’re friends to say the least – but she knows that’s not the kind of answer these people are looking for. 

_ “Hey Dahyun! How are you and Sana doing?” _

_ “Hope you two are still going strong.” _

_ “Can’t wait to see Sana later! Tell her that we should meet up some time!” _

And all of those coherent sentences that Dahyun had to endure because what is she going to tell them? That they broke up – right, these people don’t even know that they did in the first place which got Dahyun thinking.

She has spent the last minutes avoiding these people as much as possible, the questions too because Dahyun is afraid of the complications when things get out of hand. College reunions are not for Dahyun. The last time she went to one – aside from the obvious fact that she was still in a relationship before and she doesn’t have to go all ninja all over the place – she’s never really enjoyed the small talks.

“Dahyun? I was looking all over the place for you!”

Sana is beaming at her and Dahyun likes it. She likes how she’s not alone in this place anymore and she’s got someone to back her up – and maybe, just maybe, people who’ll be trying to come up to her and ask her how she and Sana are doing will finally stop.

“I can’t believe you actually came!” Sana literally bounces out of joy.

Dahyun coughs nervously and says, “Same here.”

She may or may not have told Nayeon that she’s extremely busy this weekend and that she can’t go over her files and check them over. Usually, Dahyun does that to keep her mind occupied – voluntarily asks them if she could go over their files and maybe do some edits and checks here and there so Nayeon was left huffing and groaning when Dahyun had rejected her.

Just a small price to pay to test the waters.

Sana takes her hand and pulls her back into the crowd – much like how Sana has always done before, always taking Dahyun to new heights to conquer and to rooms that are poorly illuminated as they giggle in the dark like teenagers afraid to get caught. Sana is like that. She always pulls Dahyun into a reality that masks the world from worry and problems.

The room is suddenly brighter and louder than it has been. Sana wanders around to whatever catches her attention while Dahyun has all of her attention onto Sana, watching her through eyes that are starting to see everything around her colorful.

“You must be busy to have run late,” Dahyun says.

“Kind of. What about you?” Sana omits the part that she’s dolled herself up again for the sole reason of going with Dahyun, you know, because it’s Dahyun.

“Had to deal with Nayeon and some papers. Just the usual office stuff, nothing new really.”

Sana turns back and Dahyun has to suck in her breath.

“That sounds boring.”

“Everyone says that,” Dahyun manages to say without sounding breathless, “You look beautiful by the way.”

Sana giggles and Dahyun knows it is not from her wildest imagination that Sana sounds a little chirpier than usual.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Dahyunie. You should take me out on a date if you think I’m beautiful.” Sana proposes. Not that it’s a wild idea because she’s literally been dropping hints here and there for Dahyun to pick up and read.

Dahyun coughs again. “We’ll see…”

Sana and her acquaintances eventually gather around which leaves Dahyun stuck to her side, holding onto her hand. To Dahyun it feels like a joke of how they can fake and still look like they’re still very much in love with each other. That they’re still a thing after one long year of agony.

Is it that easy for them?

Are people always this easy to fool or Nayeon and Momo are another breed that can literally strip Dahyun from her acting?

Dahyun is patient, seemingly interested in what Sana has to say to her friends. She’s listening to everything that Sana has to say, brows slowly coming to knit together as she gradually becomes distracted.

She stares from behind, the obvious kind that all it’s going to take for Dahyun to come down from her thoughts is when Sana turns to look back and remembers that Dahyun is still with her. But Sana doesn’t do that. She continues to blabber and chat with her friends and the only reminder that they both have is their hands still clasped together.

Dahyun is distracted. There’s something about today that’s making her feel something is about to go down and she’s not sure what it is, or it could be because she’s been holding Sana’s hand all this time.

Is it really easy for them?

“Hey,” Sana calls and Dahyun finally comes down to earth.

She hears her name being called though unable to decipher what Sana is saying with that pretty mouth of hers.

Sana smiles in realization that Dahyun is lost in her own thoughts, cruising around the outer space and very much not with her at the moment.

“Wake up.” Sana giggles, her nose scrunching together and Dahyun finds it too endearing for her to ignore.

Sana leans to her side and whispers, “You still hate going to these types of events?”

Dahyun timidly nods. She’s more of a home and office kind of girl, if she hasn’t made that very clear yet. The mere fact that she has survived an hour without devising an exit plan is an achievement itself. And she guesses, it’s all thanks to Sana’s presence that she’s able to withstand her tendencies of running away.

“I don’t understand the idea behind this whole reunion thing.”

“You just like to stay at one place that’s why,” Sana teases, finding the way Dahyun pouts adorable. “There’s more to this reunion, you see. Someone’s going to propose and god I heard it’s going to be a cute proposal!”

Sana practically squeals like she’s the one being proposed to. It excites her and the hand that still holds onto her own alleviates the feeling but she tries to keep it low, obscured, the way she loves the feel of Dahyun’s hand against hers.

“That’s lame,” says Dahyun blandly as if the hand that’s holding her isn’t inciting something in her.

They start walking away from the crowd and Sana leads them to another room that’s neither full nor empty. Lounging seems to be the best thing to do right now with everyone preoccupied in catching up with each other.

“What? Have you not thought of proposing or being proposed to? It’s like the cutest thing ever!”

Sana takes glances at their hands pressed against each other and of how she’s dreamed about her own proposal. Sana even came up with hundreds and thousands of scenarios in her head of how her proposal will turn out.

It’s subtle. She rubs smooth circles at the back of Dahyun’s hand.

(She’s came up with dreamlike scenarios of how Dahyun would propose to her.

It makes her stomach churn – unsure whether it's the butterflies or the possibility of it being close to never.)

“You have?”

Sana bites back a smile and answers, “Yes.”

_ With you, actually. _

But Sana will never tell Dahyun.

/

A part of Dahyun is strongly telling her to look away from the couple as it unfolds like a scene from the movies. Everyone is watching as he gets down on one knee, tearful and trembling as he fumbles with his pocket to get the shiny metallic band out of it. They all hold their breaths as if they don’t know what is there to come.

Dahyun does the same – now immersed as to how he says it with a shaky voice and almost close to stuttering every word, “Will you marry me?”

It’s completely like the one she’s seen in the movies. She can feel it, too, the sheer joy when the girl says yes and the numbing feeling being released into nothing knowing that they’re close to tying it – their promised eternity.

Even with the loud confetti going off in the background, their colleagues clapping in joy and celebration to the engaged couple, Dahyun can feel herself tearing up and she barely knows them.

What more if she’s the one to do it? If it were her friends?

( _ If it were her and Sana?) _

God it makes her stomach churn, almost unbearable and unidentifiable whether she finds it too scary or too much of a responsibility to hold onto forever.

Dahyun feels her hand getting squeezed. She looks down and then up to find Sana caught up in the messy celebration of the now engaged couple in front of them.

Something in Dahyun just snaps.

She tugs on Sana’s hand, nervous as she gulps down her fear and embraces the way Sana’s lashes flutter and her eyes come to still on her and they are very much the same when she’s looking at the happily engaged couple. It holds so many mysteries to Dahyun.

Sana invades Dahyun’s personal space again, a glint of hope that’s quick to disappear on her lips.

“Sana,” whispers Dahyun as if someone is eavesdropping on them. “You don’t have someone in mind, do you?”

“I don’t unless you want to be mine.” Sana smiles and Dahyun wishes she won’t feel anything.

Dahyun doesn’t know if it’s just her that’s suffering from an awkward pregnant pause. She holds in any emotion and looks straight into Sana’s eyes.

“I can be your friend.” Dahyun offers instead as if it weren’t the obvious.

“I thought we’ve established that.”

“Yeah, I guess we have,” says Dahyun in a quiet voice as Sana draws closer, as Sana fails to remind Dahyun that they are friends and that they shouldn’t be kissing in the middle of someone else’s celebration.

Sana kisses her like Dahyun is hers, and it’s bittersweet at the same time because Dahyun is making it hard for her not to, when Dahyun kisses right back.

When Dahyun makes her feel like she’s hers.

They both ignore the churn in their stomach, whatever it may entail.

/

Dahyun can barely see the thin line she’s drawn but it’s not hard for her to figure out what she’s feeling. It’s very distinctive unlike the others.

Maybe because they were moving too fast for her to get all of this together. How Sana is already a constant in her life and along with it are the emotions that have resurfaced. They’re overpowering her and Dahyun can only take so much of it.

Sure she can work and grind it to the finish line but dealing with feelings is a much more complicated matter. Researching for references and articles is different from taking a wild guess what Sana’s actions meant. Presenting in front of people is not the same as having Sana so close to her.

Sana is always so close and only then Dahyun would realize that she has to keep her guard up because she isn’t entirely sure about this; about Sana coming back to her life when they haven’t solved what led them to become like this.

/

(Dahyun doesn’t have to know and Sana wills herself that this battle is not yet close to its ending.)

/

Dahyun is confused whether to keep drawing the line everytime it gets erased or not and Nayeon perfectly understands. To see Dahyun put hours into her work again gives no surprise for Nayeon. On the other hand, Momo has to handle Sana and the stream of messages that have been barraging her phone during lunch breaks.

She feels bunched up and swarmed by Sana and Dahyun can’t put a finger on it if it’s the good kind or the bad one. This time it’s different than when she first came and saw her at their office lounge. That was pure coincidence and neither Nayeon or Momo meant that they cross paths again.

However for all the time that has passed, maybe because she’s let things happen, it’s all a blur now.

Nayeon sighs, having enough of Dahyun who kept glancing back and forth at her phone for the past ten minutes.

“Call her.” She urges because if there is one thing that Dahyun is not doing right, it’s communicating her thoughts and feeling well. She’s been going on an endless spiral with this one problem of hers and Nayeon can’t figure out why when Dahyun is nothing but logical.

She should’ve figured out by now.

Dahyun slumps into her seat. “I can’t do that.”

“That’s what you tell yourself, dumbass. If you can present to the board of directors then surely you can talk to her. Sana isn’t going to bite, is she? Have a conversation, talk it out, be an adult Kim Dahyun.”

No - Dahyun, well. She just can’t.

“And tell her what?”

“Why you’ve been avoiding her for the past couple of weeks? You know, Momo is kind enough not to give your address to Sana or you’d have to deal with her yourself.” She simply tells Dahyun before she sips on her banana milk. It was Dahyun’s initially but seeing that her focus is nowhere on food, Nayeon had stolen it.

“She’s been there and god - that was my mistake!”

Her eyes bulge, jaw dropping as if she has not seen this coming. Not this soon, though.  _ Too soon.  _ Nayeon can barely hold back the cough from cutting herself from drinking.

“You what?”

“I took her home when we went out to drink and things just led us here and I don’t know what to do! We’re friends but I’m not sure.”

Nayeon eventually calms down but this time she’s more attentive to everything that involves Kim Dahyun and her probable heartache.

“How are you not sure? Being friends is not that complicated unless… is it?”

“Friends don’t kiss,” Dahyun points out and that’s got Nayeon on the edge of her seat, “Friends shouldn’t feel the way I do when it should be nothing but platonic. I can’t be out there trusting her all at the same time doubting her and myself.”

They’re friends. Dahyun is an adult but on the other end of the stick she’s also the biggest coward to face her heartache in human form.

She would’ve wholeheartedly entertained the idea of this whole “Hey how about we become friends again? With benefits, if you want” if it weren’t for her indecisiveness, and feelings, too (that she swore should have died down a couple of months ago).

Dahyun swears it shouldn’t have come to this.

“You’re telling me that you two are friends who occasionally kiss each other and believe in blatant lies that it’s nothing but platonic?” Nayeon points out more than ask.

Dahyun’s silence is Nayeon’s answer.

/

Sana has always been on the edge in the past couple of days. It could be because of how her work has piled up and she has to travel the city back and forth that’s got her worked up whenever she gets some alone time.

It’s almost impossible for her to close her eyes for more than ten minutes without her phone blaring at her telling her to go ride a car and be at this location, do this thing in this job, and go home tired. When all Sana wants is for Dahyun to pick up her calls or if it’s not too much to ask then return her messages even with one liners or one word.

Dahyun hasn’t been answering any of her calls and messages for the past couple of weeks and usually she would’ve stormed off to Dahyun’s office and wait her out at the office lounge but she doesn’t do that. Something tells her that she shouldn’t this time and it kills her to do nothing.

It feels like Dahyun is slipping away again.

Sana is understanding. She’s learned and mastered the patience game with Dahyun back in college and this one should be a piece of cake to her.

But it doesn’t sit right with her. It hasn’t been since they’ve broken up.

She’s always let Dahyun do her thing and she would understand whatever it was. Even when she had to wait on something that’s never going to come back to her.

God, Sana hates how she’s been easily persuaded to come with the celebratory party after a successful work deal just because she’s been out of it.

She could blame Dahyun just for the sake of it. She really could.

Sana tries her best to do it. Sana tries to blame Dahyun after all this time.

Sana drinks then, one that turns into two and then it’s a couple of hazy and fluttery eyes that are out of focus, wobbly legs that she can barely walk her way into the punny restroom. She clutches at the edge of the marble sink, the water running down and into the drain, trying to get a grip and finally get a part of her consciousness back.

She’s been wanting something back for so long now.

Sana chokes up, close to sobbing at the severity of the constricting pain in her chest.

If only she could hate Dahyun but Sana can’t even when she’s consumed by the alcohol, red in the face, and the only thing she’s craving for is a warm bed.

Her colleagues are still up high, crazed, and boisterous when she gets back from the restroom. Lights are flashing bright in contrast to her eyes that are nothing but sad. Sana feels her stomach churn again.

Dahyun would’ve tended to her. Dahyun would’ve scolded her for drinking too much. But Dahyun isn’t here and she hasn’t been for quite some time now.

Sana bets Dahyun is still up, working and working for the sake of running away again.

Sana bets Dahyun is tired just like her from the long consuming weeks and from the missing peace of mind they both long to have.

Sana can’t bet that Dahyun is missing her the same way as she nurses another drink in hand, wishing it were Dahyun’s hand instead.

“Minatozaki, do you need a ride home?” Jeongyeon, her coworker, asks, twirling her car keys with her finger.

Sana groggily stands up, completely disregarding her unfinished drink. It’s time to finish business that’s been long overdue.

“Yeah,” Sana answers and she just hopes that she doesn’t pass out on the way.

/

“This is some fancy apartment.” Jeongyeon observes, bends down to look at the high rise apartment from her car.

“You’d be surprised just how much time it’s taken for me.”

Jeongyeon nods her head and stops her car. “I bet. You work your ass out for sure.”

Sana chuckles. If only Jeongyeon knows that this isn’t hers to begin with. Still, she bids her a groggy goodbye and insists that she can manage the flight to the top floor. Jeongyeon has her brows together, contemplating, but Sana shoos her away, drunk, and clumsily shuts the car door before her.

She tries not to stumble too much and keep her body upright. The calvary comes next: pressing the right button to Dahyun’s apartment floor, trying to keep her equilibrium as she tightly grips on the metal bar, holds in the nauseating feeling as the elevator dings each time. It’s more of a battle whether she can make it out alive than present herself to Dahyun.

She knocks on her door, heavier than Sana intended it to be. She blames it on the alcohol.

Sana knocks again and two minutes feels like an eternity and the weight of her head feels like a stupid bowling ball.

The door creaks open revealing Dahyun in her sleeping clothes and Sana has never been any better. It happens quickly as she wraps her arms around Dahyun’s neck, taking her by surprise and they stumble inside.

She knew it. Dahyun is still up.

“You’ve been drinking?” Is Dahyun’s first attempt to strike a conversation.

“How’d you get here?” Dahyun guides her down onto the sofa. At that moment, Sana wants nothing but to cling onto Dahyun.

“Are you alright?” Is what triggers Sana. Oh god it makes Sana’s stomach churn because she can clearly hear Dahyun, can finally bury herself into the warmth the only she can provide, can melt into the assurance that Dahyun will hold her until everything is alright.

“Don’t leave,” she pleads wearing the same teary eyes she had back in the restroom all the while looking so pathetic.

“Please don’t leave Dahyun.” Sana says again, trembling and trying so hard to keep Dahyun beside her, hands never leaving Dahyun.

Sana hears Dahyun sigh, defeated in her demeanor instantly giving up and accompanies her friend by the sofa. Dahyun brushes aside the hair that has stuck on Sana’s face.

“Don’t leave,” Her lips shake as she tries not to cry.

This isn’t what Sana had in mind.

“I’m here.” Dahyun breathes. Maybe it’s in Sana’s wild imagination that she sees something in Dahyun’s eyes: what she’s been meaning to tell her, what Sana has been wanting to hear. They’re almost there. Sana hopes that they’re almost there.

Sana breaks the more she looks into Dahyun that will never mirror her the same.

All she remembers is the mess that she and Dahyun are always trying to hide, always pretending that it’s okay when it’s not.

It took everything in Sana to believe that it is okay, that in Dahyun’s negligence and through her own patience and understanding everything will turn out alright in the end. How can she resist when the promise of it is being with Dahyun?

Time has told her that it’s not the case.

“I hate you,” Sana tells her.

_ Finally. _

Sana tells her with utmost conviction it pains her because she’s been holding back. She doesn’t want to hurt Dahyun again - both of them - Sana wants none of that.

“Has it ever occurred to you that it’s your fault?” Sana whines, “You’re so fucking selfish, Dahyun.”

Her voice breaks at the same time as the first tear falls. Sana wipes at her cheeks, biting back a sob just to give Dahyun one last mercy.

“We broke up because of  _ you. _ ”

Sana has her heart out on her sleeve. Sana is walking down the memory lane on her own without Dahyun in tow, no hand to hold with and share the same sentiment. Sana bets it has never occurred to Dahyun how all of this has become her fault. She did, after all, tolerate her until it left her with nothing.

Sana fucking bets that if it weren’t for the alcohol she wouldn’t be in her ex’s apartment crying to her about how they fucking broke up looking like an utter mess. She wouldn’t be in here telling Dahyun that she hasn’t been with her ever since and she’s drifted away, so far that Sana has lost the meaning of what it really is to understand and be patient with Dahyun.

It has been so consuming to always try to understand Dahyun and Sana gets nothing in return. Dahyun tells her almost nothing. In each and every time that Sana reaches out to Dahyun before, she gets no reply from her. It’s always the excuse that she’s busy and it’s always Sana’s answer that it’s okay because she understands. 

Only she doesn’t.

Not anymore.

“Sometimes I wonder if you choose not to think about me,” Sana cries, “I didn’t magically disappear, you know. Is it that easy to pretend, Dahyun?”

Sana doesn’t hear an answer and god does it hurt even more to confirm all of her grudges by Dahyun herself.

“It’s not easy for me to pretend when all I want is to get back together with you,” Sana whispers through the space she and Dahyun has set - the in between that’s been keeping them apart.

“I’m sorry,” is all that Dahyun says.

Sana hears her own heart break.

The last piece of her is all that Sana can sacrifice, through the tears flooding down her cheeks, through the tremble of her lips, and through the pieces she has to pick up again.

“I’ll wait for you.” The same way she had been before, the same promise she’s kept because losing Dahyun again is like the universe telling her that it’s the last goodbye.

_ Stupid. _

_ Stupid. _

_ You are one stupid person, Sana. _

Sana swallows her dignity just to be the same fool that she had been before, always ready to risk it all for Kim Dahyun. For Kim Dahyun with the sweetest smile, the warmest hug, and the heart that Sana once felt beating for her.

Sana can be a fool for Dahyun again. She can move past all of Dahyun’s poor excuses, all of her attempts to run away when things get disproportionate. 

“You don’t have to do that, Sana. I, I’m just - I’m scared of  _ this.  _ What if this is all a mistake?”

Sana tries to hold onto her, tries not to break so much - god, for Dahyun to think that way.

“What if you give me a chance and we work this out together? One year is a long time to realize what is it that we’ve both been missing.” Sana tells her, sniffs away her tremble in her voice and pulls at Dahyun’s hand to lock them together.

“Friends,” Sana tries again, “Let’s be friends but this time we both know the consequences if we don’t admit it to ourselves we both want this.”

Sana kisses her hard enough and wishes that this is all it's going to take to change Dahyun’s mind and heart. Sana kisses her again and wishes that by the next morning she wakes up, Dahyun won’t have to hide her anymore.

“Please don’t push me away, Dahyun.”

Dahyun is first to see the flutter of Sana’s eyes, tears still tainting her cheeks looking for something in her that Dahyun is unsure she can fully give.

Dahyun can’t blame Sana and only has herself to blame. Sana has named it for her: selfish. Dahyun is selfish for only thinking about herself through the pain when she’s also inflicted the same to Sana. Dahyun is selfish for consciously making it harder for the two of them.

If only Dahyun has the same brave heart as Sana.

/

It’s around 3 or 4 AM that Dahyun wakes up with a heavy heart and with a numb arm as Sana had fallen asleep on her arm a couple of hours ago, tired from both being physically drunk and emotionally sober with her thoughts.

It’s a Saturday morning and usually Dahyun would be up by around 7 if she’s feeling extra productive with her day. Right now it’s a little earlier than usual, a little overwhelming to wake up to feelings she thought would somehow mellow down after she’s taken a sleep yet it’s there loudly thumping against her chest as if it were the reason why she’s woken up.

It might as well be it.

It’s loud enough that Dahyun can clearly distinguish what it’s been trying to tell her for quite some time now.

She looks back at Sana who’s still sleeping, watches the steady and peaceful rise and fall of her chest, and it intensifies the feeling more - so close to bursting it seems.

It’s around quarter to 5 AM that Dahyun decides to bail out from the sofa and lock herself out in her own bathroom to speed dial Nayeon’s number, hoping that she will pick up during the ungodly hour.

Nayeon picks up during Dahyun’s fifth attempt.

“Dahyun?” Nayeon rasps and says her name, hears her loud and clear although clearly that she has woken up from her deep sleep. “It’s 5 in the fucking morning of a Saturday this better be worth the disturbance.”

Dahyun leans back onto the cold tile of her bathroom wall. “It’s about Sana,” she truthfully tells her.

“What about Sana?”

“She asked me to get back together.”

Dahyun sees herself through the mirror and shivers at the mess that greets her. It almost scares her to see herself this… ridiculously hopeless. What did she ever do in her past life to be this much of a coward?

“She did?!” Nayeon bursts as if she hadn’t been yawning, “What did you tell her?”

“I don’t know what to exactly tell her. I didn’t say yes or no to her at all,” Dahyun breathes only to sink down onto the cold floor, “It’s like I’m meeting a complete stranger that I know everything about. I sound so stupid and I know what I want but I can’t and it just- Fuck.”

Nayeon is now up. Gone is the drowsy and exhausted Im Nayeon a couple of minutes ago.

“Stop making it hard for yourself, Dahyun. You  _ obviously  _ love Sana. It’s easier said than done but why don’t you go for it? I’m going to have to remind you here  _ again  _ that Sana has shown all of her cards to you and all that you did is look at them.” Nayeon tells her.

Dahyun could’ve read them, in Nayeon’s opinion if she isn’t intruding too much in her friend’s personal life. Dahyun could’ve made it less torturous for the both of them. She wouldn’t be calling her up at this hour and be still in denial. 

But Dahyun played it off.

“What exactly do you want me to say, Dahyun? I don’t want to waste my time convincing you to do something about your issues when you don’t listen. All that there is, I say from experience and time, is work ever since we met and I know well that you’re using it as an excuse to run away from your problems outside.”

Dahyun breathes deeply trying to keep her heavy heart at a reasonable weight before it collapses.

“You know what you want,” Nayeon repeats, “I just hope you don’t ignore it and push it away from you. Call me when you have your head cleared.”

The call ends and all that Dahyun hears is herself. 

She gets back to the living room where Sana is supposed to be sleeping but finds her frantically pacing around the space, teary eyes even though she's only woken up not too long ago, and then she runs into her arms again just like the night before.

A part of Dahyun breaks to see Sana like this.

“I thought you left,” Sana sobs, “I’m sorry if you have to deal with me this early morning, and well- yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dahyun tells her as she soothes Sana through, guides them back onto the sofa, “How are you feeling?”

“Shitty but I think I can manage.”

“And your heart?”

Only then Sana assesses herself. There’s a beat before she recognizes the same steady beat that could never contest to the frenzied rhythm the night before. At least she has some ground to hold onto now.

“Still yours,” she truthfully answers.

As if she’s fully patched it up.

As if she isn’t afraid that Dahyun would break it again.

Dahyun smiles, though her stomach is twisting and pulling all at the same time. “We’re good then.”

Sana has to believe that they are for them to work out.

/

Dahyun has accepted that this will be the regular from now on, that she and Sana are vulnerable to each other. That they’re a step further from the friends that they were before with feelings having spilled. But not quite comfortable to the burden it has on both of them.

Dahyun can’t exactly call it the same love they had for each other back in college. It’s a little more complicated than that.

They’re starting to make sense, in a way.

Dahyun is starting to let Sana in completely into her life. Still, it’s a little bit scary for Dahyun but she has to face her own demons before they eat her up and follow her to death.

“Do you have plans after work?” Nayeon asks as she files through the stack of paper at Dahyun’s desk.

She hasn’t asked Dahyun yet any question regarding Minatozaki Sana looking as though Dahyun might have a heart attack if she does. Nayeon has kept it between them and knows that it is not her position to tell other people what’s going on with Dahyun’s life.

“Just groceries.”

“Don’t you always eat outside?”

Dahyun bites her lip and Nayeon is quick to spot her friend tense up. Surprisingly for Dahyun, Nayeon doesn’t pick at her.

Dahyun opts to not answer. She can’t possibly tell Nayeon right now when she hasn’t phoned her for the past couple of weeks that she last called Nayeon - that being 5 AM, ungodly, and because of Sana.

Lying is the last thing Dahyun would do but something whispers at her not to tell Nayeon yet, that her friend could wait until Dahyun  _ can.  _

/

Dahyun is the one to push the cart through the hallways and aisles of the supermarket, an obedient follower to Minatozaki Sana as she takes charge of searching and pulling the things on Dahyun’s grocery list to her cart.  _ Their cart. _

They take a turn to the left where toiletries are located. Dahyun only watches as Sana picks up a couple of essentials and the prominent pink toothbrush. It makes her feel somehow gooey inside that she’s letting Sana do this because the last couple of weeks have been about hopping into each other’s apartment.

There really is no other reason other than “checking up” on each other. Dahyun visits Sana on Mondays and Wednesdays while Sana crashes at her place from Friday until Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a change of environment for the both of them.

Dahyun may have hinted that if they were to keep doing this, they might as well buy their own things so they won’t be stealing each other’s clothes or borrowing each other’s items. So here they are right now, a Friday night, shopping for essentials because Sana is sleeping over.

“Dahyun,” Sana whines because apparently she’s been calling Dahyun’s attention for the third time now.

Dahyun blushes at her own mistake and coyly smiles. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“I was asking if you wanted to eat outside or you’d rather stay in that bubble of yours.” Sana teases lightly.

Dahyun pushes the cart again and now they’re heading for the sweet aisle that’s at the further back of the supermarket. Customers are starting to thin as the time ticks by, passing only two or three people along the way.

“They don’t have your favorite,” Sana turns back to Dahyun, a pout on her face.

“The chocolate sandwich or the chocopie?”

“Both.”

“No sugar for me, I guess,” Dahyun says. Frankly, she’s a bit sulking inside, “Pick yours and we’ll check out.”

The checkout queue is not long but the customers that have lined up have their carts full. Their cart is half of their trouble and more on the waiting side of the game. Dahyun leans onto Sana and rests her head on her shoulder, facing the other side.

“Tired?”

Dahyun shrugs. “It just sucks they don’t have both the chocolate sandwich and chocopie. Who does that?”

Sana smiles, “Don’t worry I’ll cook you a nice dinner so you won’t have to think about it.”

“I still have some papers to work on though. Are you alright with that?”

“Your thesis nor defense didn’t stop me before, did it?”

Dahyun blushes and knows exactly what Sana is talking about. It’s embarrassing and mostly not for the public to hear.

“God,” Dahyun bemoans, “The trouble I had to go through to hide all the hickeys you made.”

It comes out as a whisper. Dahyun is sure she doesn’t want anyone hearing things like this out in the open.

“I’m kidding,” Sana giggles, “Unless you want me to?”

“Sana!”

“Alright, alright. I won’t. I have you for the weekend so we’ll see, yeah?”

Maybe it is easy for them.

Maybe it’s easy this way that they take things this fast to blur out the jagged imperfections of what they were for them to start anew. Sana can give Dahyun the liberty to steer them from here forth, wherever she wants, whatever she wants to do as long as they don’t break each other’s heart.

It’s a wordless promise, one that Dahyun sealed herself for not pushing Sana away. For not breaking her heart twice that night.

Dahyun drives them back to her apartment. It’s new because there are footsteps that isn’t hers, there’s a pink toothbrush at the sink that isn’t hers, there’s Sana in the kitchen preparing for their dinner.

Dahyun has her work to tend to, a couple of files and papers to read and encode. It isn’t too much and taxing and she should get it done before the clock ticks before 8 or 9 tonight, or even earlier because Sana is patiently waiting for her.

It takes Dahyun by surprise when Sana kisses her cheek before placing her meal on her desk.

Dahyun had been subtle about not getting her sweets and Sana saw right through her. It’s corny for the most part but she can’t be choosy in this.

“That’s consolation for the chocopie and chocolate sandwich shortage back there. Tell me if you still need anything, I also have some emails to check.” Sana tells her before exiting Dahyun’s room.

Sana hums along the way, a slight bounce on each of her steps, to think she was crying and making a mess the last couple of weeks here only to find herself sleeping over and happily being with Dahyun now.

She can’t really stay away from Dahyun. Not now, not ever.

It’s quiet for Sana in the living room. She could hang around in Dahyun’s room but that would be somehow distracting and intruding of her to do so. As much as she finds herself familiar with the place, she has to respect Dahyun and everything that comes after.

“Sana!”

God, it’s embarrassing how fast Sana stood up from the sofa and rushed into Dahyun’s room. Of course not forgetting to act as if she hasn’t pulled a Usain on her. Still, it’s embarrassing but Dahyun doesn’t have to know.

“Missed me?” Sana teases. As she leans on the door frame, Dahyun turns her office chair to her direction.

A blush has made its way to Dahyun’s cheek and Sana is not sure where and why Dahyun has it.

“This is embarrassing but do you know a thing or two about laptops?”

Sana points to herself. She almost laughs. “Me? I know how to misplace them, yes. Other than that I have zero knowledge about laptops and computers.”

“Stupid blue screen. Mine just went blue and I have to get this done before Monday.”

“Oh,” Sana exclaims, “We can go to my place tomorrow and borrow mine, or do you prefer it fixed tonight?”

Dahyun sighs, ultimately giving up and not having much energy to drive around and find a place that repairs computers. “Tomorrow sounds good.”

“I can go back to my place to get it for you,” Sana offers, seeing Dahyun stressed.

Dahyun waves her off. “No, don’t do that. We can go tomorrow instead. I just wanted to finish early but it can wait.”

“If you say so.”

Sana stays a couple more minutes. Dahyun acknowledges her as she turns her chair again and finds the girl still at the doorway.

Softly, she smiles at her. “Let’s wash up and watch something.”

/

Here they are again on the carpeted floor instead of sitting on the sofa, Dahyun’s leg crossed while Sana’s left one rests atop Dahyun’s. It’s another rerun of the show they both don’t watch but settles for it anyway.

If it weren’t for the error that Dahyun’s laptop had ran into, Sana would still be lounging around the living room alone waiting for Dahyun to finish. Yet here she is snuggly fit to her side and seemingly content with everything she has right now.

Dahyun has made a quick call to Momo to tell her that her papers would be slightly delayed and would be passed on Monday rather than Sunday to which she promised.

“You’re getting better at this thing,” mutters Sana. Her eyes train forward to the screen but only pays attention to the person beside her.

“Cuddling?” Dahyun tries to guess.

“Mm. That too but what I meant is taking some time off. You look less tired, have you noticed?”

“There’s nothing much going on in the office right now, I guess. You’re also always there so that adds up.”

Sana sits up a little straighter. “Adds up to what?”

“To good things.”

“Good things, huh? I guess I should stay with you forever if that’s the case. Doesn’t sound too bad in my opinion.”

Dahyun giggles. “I guess you should.”

Feelings get a little less complicated when it’s confronted and dealt with. In Dahyun and Sana’s case, it’s spending time with each other that slowly unravels themselves to each other and of what they could possibly be heading to.


End file.
